Should I Get Back With My Ex? Questions to Ask Yourself First

Maybe they reached out. Maybe you've been scrolling through old photos. Or maybe a song came on and suddenly you were right back there. However it started, the question is sitting in your chest now: should I get back with my ex?

It's one of the most common questions we hear, and it deserves more than a quick yes or no. Let's look at what might be pulling you back, the questions worth asking yourself, and how to make a choice you'll feel good about later.

Why Do I Keep Thinking About Getting Back Together?

When someone has mattered to you, it can be hard to tell whether what you're feeling is love, habit, loneliness, or simply missing the good parts. All of those are normal. Our minds tend to replay the best memories and soften the hard ones, especially during the holidays or after a rough week.

Thinking about an ex doesn't automatically mean you should go back. It means something in that relationship touched you. The goal is to figure out what, and whether this person is truly the answer to it. If you keep wondering whether they're thinking about you too, our guide on why you keep wondering if your ex thinks about you explores that feeling gently.

9 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Back With an Ex

Grab a notebook if you can. Writing your answers down makes them harder to talk yourself out of.

1. Why did we break up? Name the real reason, not just the last argument.
2. Has that reason actually changed? Look for proof in actions, not promises.
3. Do I miss this person, or do I miss having someone? Be honest. Loneliness is a real feeling, but it's not the same as wanting one specific person.
4. How did I feel most days in the relationship? Not the best day or the worst day. The regular Tuesday.
5. Do we both want this, or is one of us doing the convincing?
6. Have I grown since the breakup, and have they? Time apart only helps if both people used it.
7. What would need to be different this time? Get specific. "We'll try harder" isn't a plan.
8. What do the people who love me think? You don't have to agree with them, but listen.
9. If I imagine saying yes, do I feel relief or a knot in my stomach? That feeling is worth paying attention to.

Signs Getting Back Together Might Work

• The problem that ended things has been named and is being worked on, by both of you.
• You can talk about the breakup without it turning into the same old fight.
• They take responsibility for their part, and you can own yours too.
• You feel respected and steady around them.
• You're choosing them, not running from being alone.

Signs It May Be Better to Leave It in the Past

• Nothing has really changed except how much you miss each other.
• You keep breaking up and getting back together, and each round leaves you more drained. Our guide on what it means when your ex keeps coming back looks at that pattern.
• Trust was broken and hasn't been rebuilt.
• You'd have to stay quiet about what you need to keep the peace.
• Your friends look worried, not happy, when you bring it up.

Some of those signs overlap with common red flags in a relationship, so it's worth a look if any of them feel familiar.

What If My Ex Wants to Get Back Together and I'm Not Sure?

You don't owe anyone an instant answer. It's okay to say, "I need some time to think about this." A person who truly wants to try again will respect that.

Use that time to notice how you feel after you talk to them. Lighter? Hopeful? Or tense and second guessing yourself? Those feelings are information. If you're the one thinking about making the first move, our article on whether to reach out to your ex first walks through the timing.

If you're feeling torn about an ex, sometimes talking it through with an experienced psychic offers another point of view. Our readers give private, one on one phone readings in a comfortable setting, without judgment.

For Men: Run the Numbers Before You Run Back

If you're a guy weighing whether to get back with an ex, treat it like any big decision. Feelings matter, but so does the evidence.

• Define the failure point. What actually broke? Communication, trust, timing, different goals? Be specific.
• Check what's different now. If neither of you has changed how you handle that problem, expect the same result.
• Separate pride from want. Sometimes the pull is about winning her back, not about building something good together.
• Let her decide for herself. Pressure, guilt or grand gestures meant to push her into a yes don't build anything that lasts. Ask honestly, then respect her answer.

Our relationship advice for men goes deeper on reading a relationship clearly.

If You Both Decide to Try Again

A second try works best when it's treated like a fresh start, not a rewind. A few things help:

1. Talk about what went wrong. Calmly, and more than once.
2. Agree on what will change. Pick one or two concrete things, like how you'll handle conflict or how often you'll check in.
3. Go slower than last time. You don't have to pick up exactly where you left off.
4. Rebuild trust on purpose. If trust was broken, it comes back through steady actions over time. Our guide on how to trust again can help with that part.
5. Keep your own life. Your friends, interests and routines keep you grounded either way.

If You Decide Not To

Choosing not to go back can still be a loving choice, for you and for them. It's normal to grieve it even when you know it's right. If you're struggling with that part, read our pieces on still loving your ex when it's over and why it's hard to let go of someone.

How a Psychic Reading Can Help

A reading won't make the decision for you, and it shouldn't. What it can do is give you a quiet, private space to talk it through with someone who sits outside the situation.

We like to match new callers with readers who have been with us for a while. Our clients let us know which readers are exceptional by calling them back, and we talk with callers every day, so their feedback helps us point you toward a reader who fits your style. The goal is for you to feel clearer about what you want. The answer is still yours.

For more on love and relationships, browse our love and relationships articles.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it a good idea to get back with an ex?
It can be, but only in the right conditions. It tends to work when the reason you broke up has truly changed, both people want to try, and you feel calm and respected together. It's usually not a good idea if you're mostly lonely, nothing has changed, or the relationship left you anxious most of the time.

How long should I wait before getting back with an ex?
There's no set number of weeks or months. What matters is whether you've both had enough time to see the relationship clearly and work on what went wrong. Getting back together right after a breakup often means the same problems return. Give yourself enough space to know you're choosing them, not avoiding being alone.

Do relationships work the second time around?
Some do, and some don't. There's no reliable number that predicts it. Second chances tend to go better when both people understand why it ended, have made real changes, and agree on what will be different. If the plan is just to try harder, the old patterns usually come back sooner than expected.

Why do I want my ex back even though I ended it?
It's very common. After a breakup, the mind tends to remember the good parts and forget the hard ones. Loneliness, holidays, or a stressful week can make an ex look like a safe place to land. Missing someone doesn't mean ending it was a mistake. Look back at why you left before deciding anything.

Should I get back with my ex if they cheated?
Only you can decide that. Some couples do rebuild after cheating, but it takes full honesty, real accountability, and steady actions over a long time. If they downplay what happened or ask you to just move on, trust is hard to rebuild. A couples counselor can help if you both want to try.

Can a psychic tell me if I should get back with my ex?
A psychic can't make the choice for you, and a good one won't try. What a reading can do is give you another point of view, help you sort through your feelings, and encourage you to trust your own intuition. For many people, it's a way to feel clearer and calmer about what they want.