Christine Carter’s recent post asked, “Does Marriage Make Us Happier?” Her answer is yes, and she refers to a published study to make her case. I’ll explain why that study does not show that getting married makes you happier.

An Analogy

First, let’s set aside the matrimania and all of the myths about single people and consider a hypothetical example that has nothing to do with marital status. Suppose a happiness coach offers you an opportunity to become a lastingly happier person. He (or she) says that you can sign up for workshops that are ongoing. He’s been running the workshops for a while, and he shows you data indicating that people who are taking the workshops are happier than people who are not taking the workshops. You think that sounds good, so you plunk down your money and sign up.

Now suppose you find out later that there was something the coach never told you: lots of people who signed up for the workshops ended up not liking them at all. In fact, they disliked the workshops so much that they refused to continue, even though they had already paid their money. Close to half of all the people who ever signed up for the workshops are in this group of people who disliked them and dropped out.

But when the coach tried to entice you to take the workshop, he did not include the data from the dissatisfied customers. So when he said that people taking the workshops were happier than people not taking them, he was hoping you wouldn’t realize that he was only showing you the happiness data from people who liked the workshops and found them helpful enough to continue with them. But you have no idea whether you will like the workshops, or whether you will be among the nearly 50 percent who can’t stand them and will refuse to continue, even though it means giving up all you’ve invested in them already.

The Study Carter Is Describing

The study Christine Carter referenced to make her case is based on an extraordinary data set in which thousands of Germans (age 16 and older) were asked once a year to answer the question, “How satisfied are you with your life?” Responses ranged from 0 (completely dissatisfied) to 10 (completely satisfied). The authors looked at 17 years of data. With such a data set, it is possible to plot lifelines of happiness and how they change or stay the same as people stay single, get married, get divorced, become widowed or get remarried.

In the first set of analyses, the authors compare those who are married to those who are single and declare the marrieds the winners of the happiness sweepstakes. Does that mean that if you get married you will become happier? Of course not. People who got married, hated it and got divorced are not included in this comparison. (In some studies, divorced people are included with singles, and the authors tout the “benefits” of marriage. But the divorced people got married, too, and by their own reports of their happiness, they did not benefit.)

Take a look at the graphs. Figure 1 compares those who are married with those who stayed single. Remember, the married include only the currently married, not everyone who ever married, so already it is a select group. The graph shows a difference favoring the currently marrieds, but by the time the participants reach their mid-50s, there is little difference, and by age 60, it appears that those who stayed single are, if anything, very slightly happier than the select group of married people.

So how do the authors account for that? On the basis of no data whatsoever, they offer this speculation: “attrition is likely to be more of a problem for unhappy singles than unhappy spouses, who are members of an interviewed household.” Basically, they are saying that despite what their data are telling them, they are not about to believe that people who stay single can be just as happier, or even a bit happier, than the currently married. Instead, they propose that the unhappy singles — unlike the unhappy marrieds — stopped participating in the study, maybe because they were not part of a participating household. But why wouldn’t the happy singles, also living without someone to nudge them to stay in the study, stop participating, too?

Now look at Figure 2. It shows the happiness of people who got married, starting from before they got married until 10 years after their wedding day. The highest level of happiness is around the year of the wedding — the honeymoon effect. But during those last few years, when their marriage has been going on for close to a decade, their happiness level is lower than it was for any of the 10 years before they married. (It is not clear whether the differences are statistically significant.)

So if you get married, will you get happier? Not if you get married and then divorce. If you get married and stay married, you will get a bit happier around the time of your wedding, but then your happiness will decrease until it is lower than it was before you married.

The biggest problem with research supposedly showing that getting married makes you happier is that most of it is like this study — only those who are currently married, or who got married and stayed married, are compared to single people. The ones who got married and got divorced are set aside or included with the single people. You can’t say that getting married makes you happier if you only count the people who got married and stayed that way.

In this study, though, there was another gem hidden in an appendix: “People who indicate that they are married but live apart are not considered to be married when they are mentioned as being divorced the following year.”

Translation: Not only did the researchers exclude from the got-married group all those who got married and then got divorced, they also excluded those who were headed for divorce but were still technically married. Can’t let the happiness of the currently-married group get pulled down by those who are married and not happy.

The Bottom Line

In her post, Christine Carter asserted that “mountains of research show that being married has pretty large positive effects on husbands and wives … married people tend to be happier, more satisfied with their lives and less depressed. They tend to be healthier, too.” But when studies seem to show that married people are better off, that’s not because getting married transforms miserable, sickly single people into blissfully happy and healthy couples. It is often because the methodology is a set-up. All of the people who got married, hated it and got divorced are not counted in the comparisons. So the real conclusion is that in some studies, people who get married are better off than people who stay single, as long as you do not count all the people who got married and got miserable and got unmarried.

Oh, and if you get married and stay married, you will feel a little happier than you did before around the time of the wedding. Years later, though, you will be no happier than you were before you married, and probably a bit less so.

That’s the good news. If you get married and get divorced, you won’t even get that honeymoon effect. On the average, people headed for divorce are already becoming less happy (rather than happier) as their wedding day approaches. Then their happiness continues to head downward, as does that of the people who stay married.

One last point: The average happiness of the single people for every year on every graph is always solidly on the happy end of the scale. Yes, there are individual single people who are unhappy, but they are the exceptions, not the norm.

This article can be found @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bella-depaulo/marriage-happiness_b_866000.html

Being an Aquarian with five other planets in air, I am challenged by the persistent desire to fly wherever I want to go. Of course not in the literal flying sense, but in the metaphorical craving to get where I’m going as fast as I can. It is a daily challenge for me to stay in my body and be on the ground. I believe this is partly why I’ve had so many physical health issues from a young age, a reminder that I need to pay attention to and be in my body.

Throughout the years, I’ve been encouraged by every heath care professional I’ve come in contact with, to walk. I can only imagine the expression on my face, it must have been priceless, when told this simple offering: Start walking. Could there ever be a slower possible way to get where I wanted to go? However, after many years and many tries by many people, I finally agreed to put one foot in front of another, and start my walking practice.

It is widely known that walking is the most natural and healthy of exercises. In many ways the perfect exercise. We virtually all learn to do it as little children. It is our first ticket to freedom, our initial experience of moving forward in life without obstacles or the help of another. Although I was flying from birth, I found my earthly freedom at nine months, when I started walking.

On a physical level, walking has enormous benefits. It strengthens the heart. It helps the lungs operate more efficiently. It strengthens the digestive system. Walking boosts the immune system and enhances the nervous system and cognitive function. Walking also helps your circulatory system and helps to maintain bone density. It is an ideal non stressful way to help manage weight. Just ask my friend Nealon Hightower who released 100 pounds of body fat, with walking as his only exercise. There are a multitude of positive physical benefits of walking.

Of course, I’m not referring to the kind of walking you do by parking at the outskirts of the mall and walking to the entrance. Or walking around your house or up and down stairs. I’ve discovered that walking, in a purposeful and conscious way, is the walking that has the most magical of all benefits, because it connects you to a higher spiritual place, a source of unlimited possibilities. But walking needs to be your only activity where you stay present with each step. For me, this kind of walking has become a direct line to my source of creativity. This article was in fact birthed on a walk and often the ideas are flowing so quickly I admit, I can’t wait to get home to write them down. But I stay the course and continue to walk. Most of the time.

Walking connects me to the glorious world of nature, which I believe we often lose touch with in our hectic day to day lives. I know people choose to walk indoors, whether on gym tracks or on mall floors, but I highly recommend getting outside, where the opportunity to reconnect with nature abounds. It offers a totally different experience. No matter where you live, there is some small space, a park, a trail or a route you can find that hasn’t succumbed to the fate of Joni Mitchell’s observant words: “They paved paradise to put up a parking lot.”

Daytime walking is great, especially in the early morning as a way to start your day, but a walk at night before bed is also a wonderful way to wind down before you go to sleep. Your dreams might even be different too.

I personally like walking solo, as I can set my pace and spend time with myself. As I watch other people in groups or walking their dogs, I acknowledge the social aspect of walking as well.

When I began walking, it was the middle of January in our often dreary and harsh Toronto winter, but I somehow kept going. Everything about me changed. My body, as I started toning from the daily practice, but more than that, my perspective changed. I felt it was my opportunity to commune with nature, which prevails regardless of the weather or the season. A great lesson we are offered from Mother Nature, if we care to observe it. In our modern stress-filled lives, where we seem to be moving faster and faster with more to do and less time to do it, walking allows you the opportunity to slow down and be aligned, a chance to breathe and relax. Walking from a place of relaxed intention is a freeing practice. It is a way to bring your mind, body and spirit into balance. Walk this way and your senses are enlivened. Colors seem more brilliant. The smells and sounds become more alive. I hear the birds song and some days I believe they recognize me and are singing their song to me, inviting me to fly with them. The leaves on the trees are dancing in the breeze and I have a sense of freedom, of being in touch, in harmony with some cosmic orchestra.

Walking as a practice does require commitment with a clear sense of intention, consistency, focus and awareness. There are many books and articles on walking and “how to” do it in a mindful or meditative way. But as everything in life, it is ultimately about the doing. Engaging in the activity and being committed to it regardless of the reasons that invite you not to. So now I walk. I breathe in and take in the world. I exhale and let go of any stress I might be carrying. As I finish writing, I notice the rain has stopped and the fresh afternoon air is calling me to get outside and walk! And I listen, because walking has changed my life. Love to hear about any insights, epiphanies or even solutions to problems that surfaced while walking.

This article can be found @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/beverley-golden/walking-meditative_b_862350.html?

Most of us were taught that creativity comes from the thoughts and emotions of the mind. However, the greatest singers, dancers, painters, writers and filmmakers recognize that the most original, and even transformative, ideas actually come from the core of our being, which is accessed through an “open-mind consciousness.”

In ancient traditions, open-mind consciousness was considered to be a spiritual awakening, the great enlightenment that dissolves the darkness of confusion and fear and ushers in peace, happiness, clarity and contentment. Today the notion that there’s one formulaic way to achieve this spiritual awakening and creative vibrancy has been blown apart. You don’t have to run off to a monastery or practice meditation for 30 years before attaining a breakthrough. A few years ago, I had a client, Sarah, who’d completely given up on psychotherapy until a failed suicide attempt convinced her to try it one more time. I urged her to begin a mindfulness practice, and she agreed. After several months — not years, but months — she had an extremely powerful experience while meditating. As she described it, she felt a rush of light and energy infuse her body and experienced an ineffable sense of the presence of the divine, the cosmos and a collective consciousness. After this transcendent experience, Sarah, who’d been overweight to an unhealthy degree, lost several pounds, became more engaged in her work and closer to her friends, and was no longer suicidal. It was a major turning point for her.

What Sarah described has been called not only “open-mind awareness” but also, in the West, a “peak experience,” “being in the flow” or “being in the zone.” I call it accessing your “core creativity,” because I believe that deep inside every person lies this potential for connecting with a universal flow of knowledge and creativity that’s boundless and expansive. Our individual thoughts and memories are a part of this greater, larger resource.

Just as an athlete who’s in condition has the muscle tone to be able to spring into action instantly, someone who regularly accesses their core creativity becomes creatively toned. For this person, the faucet to this remarkable flow of inspiration opens up easily, naturally, and often, allowing spontaneous and dramatic breakthroughs. When you’re creatively toned, instead of merely dipping your toe in the water and playing it safe, you’re willing to be utterly daring. Knowing this, you can navigate through a sea of self-limiting thoughts and transform such unwholesome beliefs as “I had my chance and blew it,” “It’s too late; my time is over,” “I’ll never be happy again,” and “I can’t.”

Here are six ways you can stimulate and tone your creativity, from my book, “Wise Mind, Open Mind.”

1) Mindfulness Meditation Practice

One of the most effective ways to become creatively toned and start accessing core creativity is through a mindfulness meditation practice. Mindfulness allows us to listen and pay attention to what we might otherwise overlook, whether it’s a fresh idea or a new way of perceiving a situation, enhancing our creativity and letting go of our obstacles to innovation. Many people are intimidated by the idea of meditating, with excuses of not having the time or ability to quiet the mind. Really, all you need is five to 20 minutes a day, and there are many mediation CDs that can help guide you through the process. In fact, my CD “Mindful Meditations for Creative Transformation” was created to specifically help one access inner resources.

2) Dabbling In The Arts

Our culture’s overemphasis on fame and great success often turns people away from their creative inclinations, because they feel that if they can’t reach a professional goal with their writing, singing or painting endeavors, they shouldn’t bother. What they don’t realize is that simply dabbling in the fine arts, with no specific goals or intentions, awakens our ability to approach life with greater openness and curiosity. In the same way that mindfulness practice jogs the areas of the brain associated with well-being, optimism and compassion for yourself and others, so, too, does immersing yourself in any artistic exploration or enjoyment jog your creativity.

3) Immersing Yourself In Nature

Experiencing nature can awaken in you a sense of vitality and infinity, which becomes a path to your core creativity. Without conscious thought, you can look up at the astonishing number of stars in the sky or leaves on a single tree in a forest and feel a sense of vastness and spaciousness. As you gaze at the heavens the ancients observed, knowing that humanity throughout history and across continents has pondered these very stars, you experience being a part of something larger than yourself that feels as if it has always existed and always will.

4) Entering Sacred Space

In ancient times, sacred spaces, such as churches, temples and sites for group rituals, were built on land whose features evoked a sense of spirituality. Treks to places like Machu Picchu, the temples of India, and Stonehenge have become more popular for Westerners who yearn for a sense of connection to their divine nature. Yet sacred spaces can exist wherever you feel a sense of spaciousness and connection to the creative, life-supporting forces of the universe. Arranging the space in your home or office to bring in light and nature will help you feel expansive and access your core creativity as you open up to your important role in all of creation.

5) Seeking Out Creative Stimulation

When the Irish band U2 wanted to reinvent their music, they traveled to Berlin, a bustling, gritty city unfamiliar to them, and soaked in the atmosphere, allowing its energy to infuse their songwriting and sound. Similarly, a famous actor I once spotted in an art museum stood before a painting for a good 10 minutes before throwing his arms out and his head back, and standing for many more minutes, as if opening his heart to a beam of creative energy emanating from that painting. We all have this capacity to open to the vital forces around us and allow ourselves to take them in, mingling them with our own passions.

6) Mindful Movement

Many forms of physical movement can be an entrée into open-mind consciousness. Somatic therapy or somatic disciplines such as martial arts, tai chi and yoga are the most well-known ways of quieting the rational mind and opening up to the intuitive mind and its connection to the numinous creative force. Any physical activity that involves discipline and a slowing down of thoughts, from skiing to dance, actually creates new neural pathways in your brain that become roads to innovation.

Becoming creatively toned can lead to a breakthrough in parenting or relating to others, or it can make you feel vitalized and fully engaged in the mundane chores of the day. The Buddha said that to find enlightenment, one must chop wood and carry water, meaning that the deepest, more purposeful life may not be one dedicated to an extraordinary cause or endeavor, but one that’s simply lived with a deep sense of awareness and openness to both the known and the unknown. A passion for discovery, for embracing the new and the unfamiliar can help you transform your life in ways you never dreamed possible, as you find the strength to move out of fear and resistance and into something new.

This article can be found @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ronald-alexander-phd/inner-creativity-passion_b_853562.html

For most of us, the name Patch Adams conjures up the 1998 movie, in which comedian Robin Williams plays a doctor who cares for patients with warmth, affection, laughter and clown-ish antics. The character is, in fact, real: Patch Adams is the physician who was born Hunter Doherty Adams. His unconventional approach — based on the idea that humor and play are crucial to health — may not be as zany as it might seem.

The idea that laughter can have a positive impact on health is quite old. Even the Bible states that “a merry heart doeth good like medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). However, for those of us with gray hair, the term “laughter is the best medicine” conjures up the section by that name in Readers Digest. More recently, the concept entered the wide public consciousness in 1979, with the publication of Anatomy of an Illness (As Perceived by the Patient) by Norman Cousins, a literary light and progressive political activist of the fifties and sixties. In the book, Cousins chronicles how he self-treated an acute, life-deteriorating rheumatoid disease with a combination of laughter — induced by watching Marx Brothers films — and vitamin C. While the evidence he presented was anecdotal, it raised the question that still is asked today: are humor and laughter beneficial to health and well-being?

Humor Versus Laughter

A number of studies have investigated the effects of humor and laughter on both physical and psychological health. But first, it’s important to distinguish between humor — largely based on whether one perceives something to be funny — and laughter, the outward expression of finding something humorous.

The cognitive process that leads us to think something is funny — or not — is complicated. Imaging tests show multiple areas of the brain are involved in the process of humor, including regions associated with positive emotions and reward. Tests also show that “high functioning” areas of the brain are activated, such as the frontal lobe, presumably because the identification and appreciation of humor is a complex process that often draws from one’s past experiences.

In any case, it is generally agreed that we, as humans, are drawn to humor because it is emotionally pleasant. And once we perceive something to be funny, we usually laugh. Whether we chuckle, giggle or break into tear-inducing guffaws, laughter is associated with several potential benefits.

Laughing Away Stress and Anxiety

When we laugh, our oxygen intake increases, activating the lungs, heart rate and various muscles. But once we stop laughing, the overall effect of the experience actually is relaxing; one early study reported this post-laughter relaxation period can last up to 45 minutes. Heart rate, respiratory rate and blood pressure also decrease in the relaxation period. This process of firing up one’s engines in a pleasurable way, then immediately cooling down, can have a short-term stress-relieving and mind-clearing effect.

It’s well-documented that chronic stress and anxiety can lead to health problems, including a weakened immune system, high blood pressure, digestive disorders and other susceptibilities. A 2008 study found that participants who anticipated laughter exhibited a reduction of cortisol, epinephrine (also known as adrenaline) and a metabolite of dopamine, three types of stress hormones. Another research team found that those with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh compared to comparable well people, suggesting the ability to laugh may have heart health implications; or, maybe people with heart disease are too “shell-shocked” to laugh. Humor as a form of complementary or alternative therapy also has been shown to have an overall emotionally positive influence on patients, helping to reduce anxiety and improve attitude. Humor therapy, or therapeutic humor, often is used in medical settings, especially with children — we all know what a strategically placed Whoopee cushion can do on a child’s (or parent’s, or doctor’s) mood.

While such evidence is promising, further investigation is needed to establish a scientifically valid link for humor, laughter and their effects on specific long-term health conditions. Because the definition of humor is so varied and complex, it has been difficult to pinpoint its direct, lasting effects on any specific disease process. The studies that have looked at the effect of humor or laughter on physiological processes such as the immune response and disease states have been fraught with methodological problems, resulting in conflicting information and difficulties in interpretation of the results. For instance, experiments have shown that exposure to comedy leads to an increase in the threshold for feeling pain and increased tolerance to pain. However, so do negative emotional control stimuli, suggesting that it is distraction and not specifically humor that is responsible for the positive effect.

In any case, there’s certainly one thing we can all agree on: a good, hearty laugh simply feels good. And even in the hasty, crazy, conflicted world we live in, the perspective and stress-relief that can be gained in great humor is intrinsically worthwhile. Perhaps our mantra should be, “A laugh a day will keep the doctor away.”

Follow Glenn D. Braunstein, M.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/CedarsSinai

This article can be found @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glenn-d-braunstein-md/is-laughter-the-best-medicine_b_839825.html

We often think of wisdom as being something exclusive to saints, gods, gurus, and teachers, but everybody has a vast amount of wisdom and knowledge. However, many of us have forgotten how to tap into it. As children we knew intuitively when something felt right and if someone was honest and true. But as we grew older many of us lost contact with that knowing and began to put more faith in what others said than what our own hearts told us. The inner wisdom is still there, yearning for us to pay attention. Here are simple ways to reconnect with it.

Create a Sacred Space. Almost everyone needs a place to step away from the world for a little while each day. Mythologist Joseph Campbell refers to this as a sacred space where we can find ourselves. That space may be an altar that we build in our room, a corner of a shelf, or a place in the attic or in the garden. By going there often and at the same time everyday, we invite inspiration and intuitive insights into our lives.

Walk a Labyrinth. Labyrinths offer mini-retreats in the heart of the day. Unlike mazes, they follow a single unobstructed path to the center with no dead ends and no way of getting lost. The design of the labyrinth of Chartres Cathedral in France has been copied for use in hospital, university, and city park settings. Walkers who use them say that they are a way of getting centered. They suggest on the move inward that cares and worries be released. In the center, stop and be still for a moment and listen. What’s your heart saying? It may give you a solution or an action plan. On the walk out let the energy build and boost you. You may find a labyrinth in your area by checking www.labyrinthlocator.com. Desktop labyrinths that can be traced with a finger are also popular. Chartres labyrinth designs can also be downloaded and traced by pen for similar results.

Embrace your Inner Goddess. Women are beginning to reconnect with the power of the Divine Feminine. This is the receptive, nurturing, intuitive side that is deeply connected to the joys and sorrows of the world. The Inner Goddess guides the way to deeper joy and fulfillment. Find an image of someone or something that reminds you of your Inner Goddess. Dress up like a goddess and take on the qualities of the divine you most adore—Shakti, Gaia, Durga, Mother Mary, Brigid, or any of the others. What qualities do you see in the goddess you chose to become?

Check-in With Mother Nature. Put on your walking shoes and head out to the garden, a forest, or a park. Check in with what’s going on around you. What season is it? What’s changing, growing, blossoming, or dying? Nature is a great teacher. Birds will pair off to build nests and raise families together for a season. Beavers build dams and have the patience to gnaw through huge trees. What messages is Mother Nature giving you today? Is she saying to be patient like the beaver or persistent like the birds who build their nests from scratch? What does the sun teach? It shines on everything and everyone in the same way. It treats all equally. What do you notice today as you go outside?

Make it Child’s Play. As kids we were deeply attuned to our intuition. We used active imagination, dialogue, collage, drawing with crayons, and acting out scenes with playmates as ways to see the world differently and experience joy. Find a way to play today. Pick up a pack of crayons and draw something. Make up a song and sing it to a friend.

Bless Your Pets. Pets can teach us love and total acceptance. Dogs will wait at the door and greet us with excitement everyday even if we’re feeling grumpy or down. In Europe on St. Francis of Assisi’s Feast Day, it’s not uncommon to see animals lined up in front of Catholic churches waiting to be blessed. Francis’ legendary love of animals continues to inspire many people today. The blessing ceremony aims to thank and honor pets, beasts of burden like donkeys and horses, and cows. As a way to appreciate your favorite animals, create an animal blessing ceremony. Write a poem or say a prayer for them. Offer a special treat and acknowledge the lessons they teach you.

One Minute Meditation. With all of the social media and rush of work and family life, it’s essential to put aside a time to focus and still the mind. It doesn’t need to be for very long; one minute will do. Set a timer and sit down in front of a candle, a flower, or something beautiful. Keep the mind focused on the object you chose for one minute. Your mind will wander. Gently bring it back to the object. You are training it to be still and obey your wisdom self. The result will be greater calm and peace.

Dance Life. Life is an incredible dance. It flows to a rhythm. Learn to move with the flow without resisting and fighting. Dance to express joy and embrace your body. Belly dancing is a wonderful way for women to connect with the Divine Feminine. Move to the rhythms of your favorite music and let your spirit soar.

Listen. The still, small voice of the heart speaks very softly. Make space to listen. It will guide you to where you need to be. Sometimes the voice will speak in words like whispers, while at other times it may “speak” as a feeling or nudging of your conscience. Sometimes it more of an assured knowing that something just is. Give the gift of listening to others as well. When your friends, partners, and colleagues speak, really listen with all of your mind, heart, and soul. What are their words saying? What’s going on beneath the surface? By making space and time to listen, your wisdom will grow.

This article can be found @ http://www.llewellyn.com/journal/article/2192