Falling in love makes otherwise smart and self-respecting people feel and act ridiculous, whether it’s finding pathetic excuses to call again when he doesn’t call back right away or scheming to run into her outside her office “by accident.” I don’t know anyone who hasn’t, at least once, gone a bit bonkers for new love.

It’s not as if you don’t at least suspect, when it’s happening, that you’re being an idiot. But that doesn’t help you, because you tackle your idiocy from the wrong end — you try, by sheer force of will, to purge yourself of your idiotic impulses. This never ever works. Which is why, despite swearing to yourself and your friends that you are going to play it cool this time, you’ll still end up sneaking off to the bathroom to check your messages again, for the 20th time that day. You need a better approach.

The fact of the matter is, you can’t make yourself stop wanting to do dumb things when you have fallen hard for someone any more than you can make yourself stop wanting cheesecake, a cigarette, a martini or anything else that tempts you. Take a moment to let that sink in, because it’s really important. I’ll wait.

Now, the good news is that you can stop actually doing the things that make you look and feel like an idiot, despite the fact that you really want to do them, if you use the right strategy. You can stop the compulsive voicemail and email-checking, the constant texting and the Facebook stalking. You can stop yourself from Googling his name (again). You can shut out all those premature thoughts of what your wedding will be like, and what you’ll name your children. And when you’re wondering on your second date if she has fallen in love with you yet, you can stop yourself from actually asking her.

The solution begins with embracing the idea that dating is like dieting. Nobody loses weight by deciding that they just won’t want calorie-rich food anymore. You can’t talk yourself out of wanting french fries. And if you’re counting on the sheer force of will to see you through when you feel tempted, you’re going to end up eating a lot of french fries.

The next step is to do some if-then planning. More than 100 scientific studies — on everything from diet and exercise to curbing spending and quitting smoking — have shown that deciding in advance how you will handle your impulses (e.g., “If I am hungry and want a snack, then I will choose a healthy option, like fruit or veggies” or, “If I want to smoke, then I’ll step outside and take a deep breath”) will double or triple your chances for success.

The key to a successful plan involves deciding what you will do instead. So when you are taken by the desire to try to track him down on Facebook or Foursquare, or to leave the “not sure if you got my last message” message on her answering machine, what more productive, non-creepy behavior will you replace it with? My mother once gave me some excellent advice about a boyfriend I was obsessing over. “If you feel like calling him,” she said, “then call me.” You don’t have to call your mother when love messes with your head, but having some sort of plan in place is essential.

If-then plans are simple, easy to create and extraordinarily effective when it comes to resisting temptation, edible or otherwise. Just taking a moment to decide how you will handle your less-attractive impulses could mean the difference between finding Mr. Right and seriously freaking him out.

Find this article @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/heidi-grant-halvorson-phd/curb-obsessive-relationship-behavior_b_919232.html

Brought to you by Deepak Chopra, M.D., Alexander Tsiaras and TheVisualMD.com

The human body responds to stress with a powerful fight-or-flight reaction. Hormone surge through the body, causing the heart to pump faster and sending extra supplies of energy into the bloodstream. For much of human history, this emergency response system was useful: It enabled people to survive immediate physical threats, like an attack from a wild animal. But today, the stress in most people’s lives comes from the more psychological and seemingly endless pressures of modern life. Daily challenges like a long commute or a difficult boss can turn on the stress hormones — and because these conditions don’t go away, the hormones don’t shut off. Instead of helping you survive, this kind of stress response can actually make you sick.

Chronic stress can harm the body in several ways. The stress hormone cortisol, for instance, has been linked to an increase in fat around organs, known as visceral fat. The accumulation of visceral fat is dangerous, since these fat cells actively secrete hormones that can disrupt the functioning of the liver, pancreas and brain, causing problems such as insulin resistance, inflammation and metabolic syndrome. Chronic exposure to other stress hormones can also weaken the immune system and even change the structure of chromosomes.

How Stress Affects the Brain

Recent research suggests that chronic stress takes a toll on the brain, too. Studies on mice show that stress-related hormones alter physical structures in the brain in ways that could affect memory, learning and mood. Some of these changes involve dendrites — tiny branch-like structures on nerve cells that send and receive signals. Several studies have shown that stress hormones can shrink dendrites and, as a result, information doesn’t get relayed across nerve cells. When the cell damage occurs in a part of the brain called the hippocampus, it can impact memory and learning.

If stress makes you feel anxious, damage to dendrites might be part of the cause. A 2011 study found that rats whose dendrites had eroded due to stress had higher levels of anxiety. More research is needed to determine the exact effect of stress hormones on people’s brains, but one study of adults with post-traumatic stress disorder suggests that the stress hormone cortisol may actually shrink the size of the hippocampus. Researchers are still trying to determine if this is because of the hormone’s toxic effect on neurons or if there is a genetic component — or if both are involved.

Another part of the brain that seems to be affected by stress is the amygdala — the part of the brain that regulates fear and other emotions. A 2003 study found that in mice under stress, the amygdala grew larger while the dendrites in the hippocampus shrank. Researchers believe that together, these two effects may cause an increase in anxiety. They think that as the amygdala grows in size, you may experience more anxiety and fear. (The amygdala is known to become bigger and more active in people who are depressed). But because the hippocampus cells involved in memory are shrinking and not transmitting information effectively, you can’t connect the feelings of fear to memories of real events. You’re left with a lot of generalized anxiety.

Tips On Coping With Stress

If this news about stress and the brain is giving you a headache — or stressing you out in other ways — relax. The good news is that you can learn healthy ways to cope with stress that will protect your brain — and the rest of your body — from stress’s negative effects.

Not everyone is equally vulnerable to stress. Genetics play a role in how a person’s body reacts. Your past experiences can affect your response, too. If you lived through a lot of stressful situations growing up, you may be more sensitive to stress as an adult. Try to notice your own reactions to stress. Do you stay calm when pressures mount, or can you feel your pulse increase just thinking about a stressful situation? Once you become aware of what sets off your body’s fight or flight response, you can use these tips to try to change your response to stress.

1. Resolve the stressful situation if you can. You may not have much control over many of the sources of stress in your life, but if there is a something you can do to resolve a stressful situation, do it! Talk to friends about what you can do to change a bad situation, and consider getting help from a conflict resolution expert if necessary.

2. Spend time with loved ones and cultivate healthy friendships. Research shows that a good social support network has definite mental health benefits. It can keep you from feeling lonely, isolated or inadequate and if you feel good about yourself, you can deal with stress better. Friends and loved ones can be a good source of advice and suggest new ways of handling problems. But they can also be an excellent distraction from what’s bothering you. If your network of friends is small, think about volunteering, joining an outdoor activities group or trying an online meet-up group to make new friends.

3. Do an activity you like. Part of being stressed out is feeling that you never have enough time, so adding more activities to your schedule might seem like the last thing you need. But if you make even a little bit of time for an activity you really enjoy, the payoff can be huge: You feel calmer and happier and can deal with work and other demands better. Whether it’s playing music, doing a craft, or working on your car, do something that absorbs and relaxes you.

4. Try relaxation techniques. Meditation, yoga, and tai chi can help slow your breathing and heart rate and focus your mind inward, away from whatever is causing you stress.

5. Exercise regularly. Whether it’s walking outside with a friend or taking an exercise class at the gym, getting active can help you relax and help turn off your body’s stress response.

6. Get plenty of sleep. When you’re well-rested, you can approach stressful situations more calmly.

7. Eat a healthy diet. Stress is tough enough on your body, so help it out by feeding it fresh fruits and vegetables and low-fat protein.

8. Appreciate what’s good in your life. It sounds corny, but focusing your thoughts on positive parts of your life instead of the stress-ridden areas can be good for your physical health. Research shows that positive emotions helped people recover their normal heart rate more quickly after it was raised during exertion.

9. Laugh! Researchers are still investigating the precise effects of laughter on stress hormones, but some findings suggest that it has a stress-relief effect on heart rate, respiratory rate and muscle tension. Your own research has probably convinced you that laughing makes you feel better.

10. Seek professional counseling if necessary. Extreme chronic stress is no laughing matter. Enlist the help of a professional if you think you are at risk for serious health effects.

This article can be found at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deepak-chopra/effect-of-stress-on-health_b_907029.html

Life is more than matter. If it were just matter, there would be no need for comfort. Matter does not feel comfort or discomfort, beauty or ugliness, love or compassion, joy or sorrow. Will a chair ever feel sorry or happy? No, matter does not have these finer values. They belong to the realm of the spirit. But life is also more than spirit. If it were just spirit, there would be no need for water, food, or rest. Human life is a combination of both matter and spirit.

The nature of the spirit

Spirit experiences and expresses values. Values are feelings and emotions — that which cannot be captured totally by words or understood by the intellect. The goal of the spiritual path is to understand the spiritual dimension of life and live fully all the values that the spirit represents. What are those values? Peace, love, joy, beauty, unlimited knowledge, and the capacity to understand both mind and matter.

Comfort: A quality of consciousness

Whatever one does is directed towards one goal, happiness or comfort. Often people think that comfort comes in a material way, through matter alone. Comfort is a quality of consciousness. To some degree it does depend on matter, but to a greater degree it depends on attitude and understanding.

The true nature of the spirit is comprehension

You listen, you understand and you absorb. Who is understanding? Who is absorbing? It is the spirit in your body that is taking in the knowledge. And this knowledge is not coming through sight, sound, smell, taste and touch alone. It is also coming from inside as intuition.

The very nature of consciousness is knowledge

You can say that at every level of consciousness, knowledge is present. And consciousness is present! If it were nothing, it could not be present. It is something, yet it is not finite. You cannot measure consciousness, so it is present and infinite.

The nature of your consciousness is peace: You are love

Consciousness is peace. You are peace, you are truth, and you are energy, walking, moving, talking, sitting. The “self” is energy and the “self” is knowledge, the knowing and the knower. This consciousness is love, you are love. Understanding and living this is the spiritual life. Life attains its richest form through the spiritual dimension. Without it life becomes very shallow and you are unhappy, dependent, depressed and miserable.

The effects of the spiritual dimension on society

This is a great sense of belongingness, responsibility, compassion and caring for the whole of humanity. The spiritual dimension, in its true form, breaks the narrow boundaries of caste, creed, religion and nationality. Wars will be eliminated only through spiritual understanding.

The spiritual path is not an escape from life

Actually, the spiritual path makes life more difficult! In India people think the spiritual life is easy — go to an ashram where you don’t have to work hard. No! The spiritual path is not an escape from hard work or sincere action, just as social service is not an escape to a comfortable life. In both situations you have to put your heart and soul into your actions and be ready to give a hundred percent of yourself. The spiritual life will bring you enormous joy, more contentment, more peace and more energy than you can find, but it’s not an escape.

The spiritual path is not an escape from responsibility

The spiritual path means taking responsibility. If you think it is difficult to manage your children and your spouse, you will be given more people to care for. If you are ready to take responsibility for 20 people, 2,000 people, 20 million people, then you are on the path. The spiritual path is not an escape from responsibility, but taking responsibility.

The spiritual path is not an escape from hard work

Intelligent, effective work is part of the spiritual life. When you are working hard you may think you deserve compassion. I say that if you are working hard and doing it with intelligence, then you need appreciation, not compassion. If someone is taking five hours to complete something that can be done in half an hour, it doesn’t need compassion.

Knowing peace

Another aspect of spiritual life is peace — knowing that peace is your nature. At any moment, in any place, you can just sit and let go, knowing that inside you there is a pure clear space that’s vast and deep. That inner space is what you are. Feeling this is knowing your spiritual dimension. ”I have come from peace, I am in peace, I will go back to peace. Peace is my origin and my goal.” This inner affirmation or experience makes you a seeker.

A sense of sacredness

Still another aspect of spiritual life is a sense of sacredness. When you have a deep sense of thankfulness combined with regard and respect for everything that comes to you in life, it brings a sense of sacredness. In sacredness there is awareness. Your mind is fully present in fear, anger or sacredness.

Service and silence

Silence heals and rejuvenates. Silence gives you depth and stability and brings creativity. Service brings the dynamic experience of heart. It creates a sense of belongingness. Lack of service can land a person in depression. Service alone can bring contentment in life, but service without silence tires you. Service without spirituality will be shallow and cannot be sustained for a long period of time. The deeper the silence, the more dynamic the outer activity becomes. Both are essential in life.

Have confidence

Have confidence in yourself. One who does not have confidence cannot achieve anything. Confidence clears doubt. Doubt is the opposite of confidence. Once you eliminate the negative, you will see that the positive has already happened. When doubt clears, confidence appears. So to gain confidence in yourself, you must understand what doubt is.

The nature of doubt

If you observe the nature of doubt, it is always about something that is positive. You doubt the goodness of other people, never their bad qualities. You doubt your own capabilities, never your incapabilities. On the spiritual path, you learn to handle things with intuition and inner freedom. I don’t say don’t doubt. I say doubt as much as you can. That will help you get through it before progressing further.

Follow Sri Sri Ravi Shankar on Twitter: www.twitter.com/SriSriOnTour

This article can be found @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sri-sri-ravi-shankar/spiritual-life_b_861265.html?

Honor Dad. There is nothing more endearing than knowing how much you are appreciated and loved. In honor of Father’s Day, show your main male role model (whether biological or not!) your appreciation for all he has done to make you, you. Treat him to dinner, take him fishing or do something else he enjoys with him. He deserves the love. Nothing less.

Aim For Change. Changing up the status quo (whether personally, professionally or just plain superficially) just may be the kick-start we need to implement greater changes in our lives. So, evaluate your relationships, apply for that job you’ve been eyeing, book yourself for a dramatic haircut or redecorate your bedroom for a completely new feel.

Love Yourself. Many of us mope about bad hair days, inopportune breakouts and snug jeans, but life’s too short for that. This month, make a conscious effort to love the skin your skin! Look into the mirror and appreciate what you see. Compliment yourself daily and focus on the things you love about yourself. By drawing attention to the positive your confidence will soar and your perceived beauty will similarly skyrocket!

Go Green. Before embarking on a mission to stock a pantry full of super foods, start gently by adding kiwi, kale and green tea to your grocery list. Kiwi is an excellent source of Vitamin C, E and fiber; kale is rich in antioxidants, anti-inflammatories and other nutrients; and green tea is known for its whole host of health benefits including its ability to rev up our metabolisms, absorb and block cholesterol and help us to detox.

Fire Up For Fitness. Get motivated for health and fitness this month by trying a new class, downloading a new playlist or planning workout dates with friends. Go into with a positive mindset full of excitement and motivation.

Schedule ‘Me’ Time. Whether you choose to read a book, meditate or go for a walk, take the time to learn more about your identity, purpose and self. Reflect on your day, contemplate life, discover yourself.

Celebrate. Gather your friends or family for a summer picnic to celebrate the month. Honor your accomplishments, celebrate your successes and express your love for each other.

This article can be found at: http://thebeautybean.com/site/nourish/nourish-your-month-7-nourishing-things-to-do-in-june/

No matter what you want to do in life — whether you want to be an Academy-Award-winning actor, a CEO of a big company, a sought-after speaker or the winner of a marathon — having self-confidence is essential for your success. Without a healthy dose of confidence, you’ll never take the steps needed to make your dream come true. That’s why, before embarking on any endeavor, you need to build up your confidence level and know you are worthy of what you desire.

When I was in my early 20s, I met Pete Wilson, a politician who was running for governor of California. I asked him how he got the drive and stamina to run for office. After all, political races are so vicious, and you have to really believe in yourself and want to make changes in order to go through what politicians go through.

Mr. Wilson said, “You yourself have to think you’re great, because no one else is going to tell you that you are.” His words are so true! To live the life of your dreams and do whatever it is you want to do, you have to first build your own self-confidence and not depend on or wait for anyone else’s approval.

Remember, how you see yourself and what you believe about yourself is more important than what anyone else thinks. If you don’t work at loving, accepting and believing in yourself, then your fears will paralyze you. Being happy and fulfilled, and having your heart filled with peace, starts with you. It’s an inside job.

Following are four steps that can help you build your self-confidence.

1. Acknowledge your uniqueness.

Believe in yourself and know that you are one of a kind. In the words of Walt Whitman, know “[t]hat you are here — that life exists and identity, / That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” There is no one else like you on this planet. No one looks like you or has the same talents and perspective as you. You are unique and are therefore here to make your unique contribution. If we each focus on what we bring into the world to share, there can be no comparisons, envy or regret. We are here to “contribute a verse.” What will your verse be?

If you’re not sure yet or don’t like your verse so far, take some time and think about it. Think about what you would do with your time if you had one month to live and a million dollars. What advice would you pass on to those you love? Whatever your answers are, that’s what’s unique about you.

2. Confront your fears.

Nothing destroys self-confidence more than succumbing to fear. Everyone feels fear at various times; we’re human. But facing circumstances with courage and poise strengthens character and builds self-confidence.

Recently, I boarded a plane and went, by myself, to Jordan. People told me, “You’re nuts. You’re walking into the lions’ den.” Yes, I was a white female traveling alone in a mostly Muslim country, but I refused to let fear dictate my life’s journey. I had visited Jordan in the past and wanted to revisit it before teaching a class in Egypt. This was going to be “my” time to go deep, relax and meditate before the class.

I ended up having a great time. I slept under the black sky and bright stars in a cave and felt more alive, inspired and full of life. By confronting any fears I may have had and giving to myself, I was able to build my confidence and give more to my clients. I was able to share from a deeper level and give channeled and inspired counseling by spending time in silence in breathtaking surroundings, instead of give a mundane, regurgitated speech.

3. Accomplish something — no matter what.

Set goals for yourself and then push yourself to reach them. Self-confidence soars when you know you can do what you put your mind to. It makes you feel unstoppable. If you feel like you don’t have the strength to do it alone, get a coach!

Remember that everybody has setbacks and obstacles to contend with. Don’t let them undermine your confidence. Treat them as opportunities to strengthen your resolve and then persevere.

Overcoming adversity and accomplishing something builds and strengthens self-confidence. The greatest songs, works of art and literary pieces have been written by those who have experienced the depths of despair, loss and emptiness — and overcame them. Experiencing sadness and loss and then rising above it gives rise to hope and triumph. It makes you stretch and become more than you were. When you do the best you can, with the best of what you’ve got, you can’t help but feel good about yourself. That confidence then comes through in everything you do.

4. See the positive in every situation.

You are not what happens to you or how you believe others see you. In other words, you are not defined by what happens to you or how others see you. You are who you choose to be — hopefully, you choose to be a person of character, dignity and self-confidence. When you see the positive in every situation, it’s easier to make that choice.

I recently spoke at an event that was supposed to be for Youth Leaders Causing Leaders. When I arrived, it turned out that I only had two teenagers in the audience, while the rest were adults. I had to scrap my speech and improvise a speech based on my new audience. I was thrilled that the talk was only scheduled for 20 minutes, instead of the usual 45 to 60 minutes. Several other speakers chose to cancel because they felt the event was not organized properly and they didn’t have something prepared for this age group.

Rather than view the situation as a negative, I saw it as a positive. I saw it as a challenge. I saw the glass as half-full instead of half-empty because it forced me to dig deeper and come up with a 20-minute presentation about leadership that would help motivate and inspire the audience I had in front of me, not the one I had prepared for.

Right before I took the stage, the producer asked if I could speak for 60 minutes because the other two speakers had cancelled. I gladly accepted, not having anything prepared except for my inner resources. No notes, bullet points, nothing.

Look at whatever challenge you’re facing. How can you see the glass half-full? When you’re able to, you’ll tap into reservoirs of self-confidence you never knew you had.

Your confidence and potential are limitless.

Self-confidence is essential for achieving success in any endeavor. And you develop your self-confidence by doing, learning, accomplishing and persisting — not by talking about it and criticizing others who are doing things. So work on increasing your self-confidence every day. When you do, you’ll have the key ingredient for reaching your goals and living the life of your dreams.

Follow Lisa Haisha on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lisahaisha

Thia article can be found at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-haisha/self-confidence_b_873667.html?