Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.: Your Destructive Mind Habits in 5 Short Chapters.

There is a poem by Portia Nelson called “5 Short Chapters” that speaks to the natural unfolding of learning that happens when we work with becoming more aware of the mind traps in our minds. What are mind traps?

Mind traps are those habitual thinking styles we get caught in that inevitably trap us into a cascading snowball of reactivity that leads us to greater distress. Look this over, see if you identify with any of them and then we’ll get back to 5 Short Chapters.

These include, but are not limited to:

• Catastrophizing is a style of thinking that amplifies anxiety. In challenging situations, it expects disaster and automatically imagines the worst possible outcome. It’s a what-if game of worst-case scenarios. An example would be telling someone that it’s raining pretty hard, and they respond with “Yes, it seems like it will never stop. It’s going to flood, and we’re going to lose all our crops.”
• Exaggerating the negative and discounting the positive go hand in hand and contribute to anxious and depressed moods as positive experiences are downplayed or not acknowledged while negative details are magnified. An example is when you say something positive, then use the word “but” to lead in to a negative statement, such as “I’m doing better at work, but I’m still making mistakes.” This discounts the positive and gives more power to the negative. Experiment with replacing “but” with “and” to give both aspects equal weight.
• Mind reading involves convincing yourself that you know what other people are thinking and feeling and why they act the way they do, without actual evidence. For example, you may incorrectly assume that someone doesn’t like you or is out to get you. Such interpretations tend to cultivate anxiety or depression.
• Being the eternal expert is a recipe for heightened stress, as it necessitates being constantly on guard. When being wrong isn’t an option, you’re continually on trial to defend your opinions and actions.
• The “shoulds” are an all-too-common thought pattern that can lead to guilt or anger in addition to stress. Shoulds involve having a list of unbreakable rules for yourself or others. If you break your rules for yourself, guilt often arises because you haven’t lived up to your own expectations. If others break these rules, you’re likely to become angry or resentful.
• Blaming involves holding others responsible for your own pain or holding yourself responsible for the problems of others. With blaming, there’s always someone or something outside of yourself that’s the cause of your suffering and pain. However, you generally can’t change others, and you may not be able to change circumstances–you can only hope to change yourself. If you perceive that the solution lies outside of you, you deprive yourself of the power to effect change.

In Portia Nelson’s poem she begins the first chapter saying how she walks down a street and falls into a hole. She has no idea how she fell in and says it isn’t her fault. It takes her “forever to find a way out.”

In the second chapter, she only pretends to not see it, still falls in, and still says it’s not her fault. In chapter 3, she still falls, in but now recognizes it’s a habit, takes responsibility, and gets right out. In chapter 4, she is able to see the hole and walk around it and eventually in chapter 5 she simply walks down another street.

Mind traps work the same way. At first we might not even be aware of them happening and how we get stuck in them. Then we are able to notice them, but still get stuck in them. Eventually we can notice them and begin to shift our attention so we don’t get caught in the snowball reaction. Finally, with awareness and practice, we’re able to see them from afar and walk down a different street.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.


• Adapted from A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook

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Adapted from a publication on Mindfulness and Psychotherapy at Psychcentral.com. Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is Co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook. You may also find him at www.elishagoldstein.com.

A wonderful article that reminds us to slow down and rethink how to handle “bad” situations.  Maybe it’s not as bad as you think….  Make the best out of any situation and give yourself a break.

Written by Judith S. Beck Ph. D. expert in Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

I could have let it ruin my day.

It’s 1:30 pm, this past Sunday. The first leg of my flight is significantly delayed and now I have to take different flights. Instead of arriving home at midnight, I have to wait at the San Diego airport for 6 1/2 hours, then cross my fingers and hope I’ll make my connecting flight, a red-eye from L.A. to Philadelphia that gets in at 6:30 a.m. It’s going to be a very long afternoon, evening and night. In fact, it’s been a long few days, presenting at the American Psychological Association.

To add insult to injury, I have to wait in the commuter terminal of the airport, which is very crowded, has little reading material for sale and the tiny snack bar has virtually nothing I want to eat. (Well, to be honest, it has lots of junk food I want to eat but I won’t let myself. Calories are calories and my metabolic system doesn’t care that I’m being highly inconvenienced.)

I am mightily annoyed. And I could have stayed that way. I could have fumed and complained and been in a lousy mood. But, according to the theory behind cognitive behavior therapy, I know that it’s not this situation of enforced waiting and the prospect of an uncomfortable night flight that is directly influencing how I feel emotionally; it’s how I perceive the situation. Specifically it’s the thoughts that are going through my mind that are leading to my feelings of annoyance.

As long as I keep thinking, “This is terrible! I’ll be so bored! I’ll be exhausted! I won’t be able to focus on anything tomorrow. I’ll get even more seriously behind work than I already am,” I’ll feel irritated, perhaps angry. Now I can’t stop those thoughts from popping up. They are what we call “automatic thoughts.” I’m not deliberately trying to think these thoughts. They just pop up spontaneously. But now that I’ve identified them, I can do something about them. I don’t have to feel so irritated. I can change my thinking.

First I decatastrophize, that is, I recognize that I’m predicting a minor catastrophe and then I reflect on the outcome more realistically. As terrible things go, this really isn’t so bad. I’ll definitely be tired and it will be hard to concentrate tomorrow. But I will get through the day, as I always do. I remind myself of the period when the kids were babies. I was seriously sleep-deprived then and always managed to function at work. Come to think of it, things could be so much worse. I could be traveling with young, cranky kids.

I also remember how I catastrophized when I was in Kenya four months ago. My return trip through Heathrow was cancelled due to the volcanic ash from Iceland. I had to stay three extra days and I coped. (In fact, I got to see pre-human skulls at the National Museum of Kenya that were 17 MILLION years old. I survived. My patients survived. My staff survived. My work eventually got done. Some delays aren’t so bad, after all.)

Thinking in this new way improves my mood–slightly. I say “Oh, well,” and stop struggling (see more about this technique in a future blog), which allows me to engage in problem solving. I have six hours to go. I think, “I really should do the work I had planned to do.” In particular, I should review the manuscript of my latest book. My heart sinks. (Automatic thoughts: “I don’t want to do that. It’ll be hard to concentrate in the airport. I deserve a break.”) I decide to take the day off. I can always make up the missed work next weekend or stay late at work a few days this week. Already I feel a little better. Instead of working, I’ll read the book I brought with me. Plus I have a book on CD to listen to. And I can look for a copy of the Sunday New York Times, a special treat, because I usually have time to read only a few articles online.

All of a sudden, I do a cognitive shift. I realize I have a choice. I can make the worst of the situation (continue bellyaching to myself) or make something better of it. Why not consider this a vacation day? I’m in sunny San Diego. A muscle ache precludes a day of touring but I can find a bench in the sun. I can check my carry on bag, take the bus back to the main terminal and find a restaurant and bookstore. I can call my husband, my kids, my parents, my friends. My mood improves further.

Suddenly I figure out how to make lemonade. I can write about the experience for a blog. That will kill two birds with one stone. Writing will keep me occupied and I’m likely to feel productive (always a good feeling) and I’ll be able to cross this task off my list for this week.

Epilogue: It’s working. I only have an hour left before I board the plane. I can’t say it’s been a great day, but it was okay. It definitely wasn’t terrible, as I had originally predicted. I finished my book and I enjoyed it. I found decent food. I had a long talk with one of my best friends. Not to mention I’ve just about finished this blog. Lucky I didn’t just buy into my unhelpful thinking. Responding to my unhelpful thoughts allowed me to do problem solving, and I developed a plan that definitely improved the day. The problem didn’t go away but my response to the problem changed.

It’s lucky I know how to do CBT on myself.

This article can be found at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-s-beck-phd/cognitive-behavior-therap_1_b_689568.html

Inspiring Quotes From HuffPost’s Community On Getting Through Tough Times.

Yes.  Remember August 21 – September 14, 2010.  Mercury enters retrograde in Virgo.  Just in time for the start of the school year.  Isn’t that just great!

Mercury is a tricky planet indeed.  Remember to check and recheck anything that requires communication.  Since most things communicate, good luck.  At the very least take notes and recheck your calendar.  Also, be very careful how you phrase comminication.  It is easy to be misunderstood or misunderstand.  Try to avoid messing with your computer.  Your life will probably be much easier if you can wait until after September 14, 2010 to deal with legal matters, computer downloads or upgrades, making appointments, getting your vehicle fixed, etc.

If you are an Aries, take some down time.  Don’t even bother to worry about things beyond your control.   It may be a good idea to try listening instead of talking.  Try to avoid quick decisions.  You may really regret it if you don’t take your time.

If you are a Taurus, try to avoid taking any gambles at this point.  Your good, reliable common sense may be missing in action.  As a result, this may not be the best time to be stubborn.  Just saying!

If you are a Gemini, you may want to avoid making quick decisions.  Perhaps you should invest in an extra set of keys.  Try to stay focused on one subject and pay attention.  Assume nothing, check and recheck everything.

If you are a Cancer, watch your appointments and scheduling.  Try to avoid expecting perfection from others – you will probably just end up being disappointed.  Expect the unexpected and deal with it cheerfully.  Flexibility may just have to be key.

If you are a Leo, try to be careful with your finances.  It may be a good idea to check account balances or credit cards for misdirected payments.  Try using a calculator.  This is a probably a very good time to avoid the bossy side of your personality and just chill. 

If you are a Virgo, please remember to try to slow down at work and do something nice for yourself – it is allowed.  Remember to assume nothing.  You will probably just feel like a grouch during this time.  Sorry.

If you are a Libra, please remember to take your time with fact checking.  It is probably a good idea to go over everything two or three times.  Be careful.  Also, try not to be overly helpful.  Your good intentions may be misunderstood as interference.

If you are a Scorpio, it is probably not a good time to keep secrets from people.  Leaving out pertinent details – even if they are not important – could damage a relationship and been seen as underhanded.

If you are Sagittarius, you should probably think about making sure that people you do business with are in step with you.  Also, try to remember to back up everything electronically.  Try to avoid pouting if you should feel trapped and creatively take the time to work your way out of the situation.

If you are a Capricorn, try to avoid travel.  If you must go someplace, recheck schedules and double label your luggage.  Beware of giving into frustration because people are not getting what you are saying.  This could allow others to take control.

If you are an Aquarius, it will probably be a good idea not to take comments personally and realize that someone else may just be having a bad day.  Be careful of being impatient with others because they are not your intellectual equals and making harsh comments to them that may cause permanent harm.

If you are a Pisces, this may be an extremely difficult period for your love life.  It may be that anything you say can and may be held against you.  Ouch.   Try to avoid negative people who may make you feel bad about yourself.  You could be particularly vulnerable during this period.

The Original Solution Psychics at the psychic line known for quality have tested psychic readers that may be able to help you with your issues.  Questions involving love, dreams, feelings, futures, happiness, work, relationships, etc. are welcome here.  Our readers have abilitities such as clairvoyance, channeling, mediumship, tarot cards, astrology, akashic records, etc.  A Mercury Retrograde can throw some interesting twists into the mix. 

Give us a call, we would love to help.  Remember our five-minute guarantee.  If you have issues, we have insight.  Our clients call back for a reason.  Thanks to one and all.

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Anyone Can Improve Intuition Through These Easy Steps

Published on May 24, 2009 by C. Ann Logsdon

Developing intuition doesn’t require years of practice or complex meditative routines. These easy strategies tell how to improve intuition.

Developing intuition, according to most books on the topic, requires daily meditation, probably involves yoga, includes a vegan diet, and works best in a remote setting like Tibet.

People with jobs, family obligations, and lawns to mow often have no time to develop intuition by perching cross-legged on a pillow in their living rooms and definitely cannot find silence if they have children in the house.

Fortunately, it is possible to develop intuition in easy ways without changing anything in one’s daily routine.

Intuition is the awareness of cognitive messages, auditory information, visual images, and physical sensations that provide meaningful information about past, present, or future realities. Some consider intuition a form of extrasensory perception (ESP).

Everyone has a sense of intuition, but it is drowned out by daily demands on time, energy, and senses. Meditation is just one way of focusing attention on intuition by limiting distraction and allowing the mind to become more aware of the self and of intuitive information. For those who have no time or cannot sufficiently eliminate distraction in their lives to meditate, the strategies below offer an alternative way to develop and strengthen intuition through meditation:

Turning Everyday Tasks into Opportunities for Meditation

Identify repetitive tasks in a typical day’s schedule, and use them for time to meditate. Time in the shower, mowing the lawn, doing dishes by hand, folding laundry, cleaning, gardening or other tasks that do not require conscious thought are opportunities that can be used to meditate.

Meditation during everyday tasks is easy, but it requires practice. Begin by clearing the mind and focusing on breathing. Some find it helpful to gaze at the tasks before them with a soft focus, viewing the task as a whole without attempting to notice any detail. When thoughts come, note them and refocus on breathing.

In time, the ability to meditate for an extended time without thought during everyday tasks will improve. With regular meditation, the mind can be cleared at will at other times, which is an important foundational skill in developing intuition.

Becoming Mindful of the Self

The ability to notice the subtle signals of intuition requires mindfulness of the self. Intuition can come in many forms, and being mindful of thoughts, physical sensations, and emotional reactions is an important part of recognizing and attending to those subtle signals. Periodic meditation, even if only for a few minutes at a time, enables one to become more aware of these senses.

Once the skill of moving into a meditative state at will is achieved, begin focusing on physical sensations. Notice sensations such as whether the feet are cold or if there is a warm sensation in the hands. With practice a few times a day, one learns to be more aware of the normal state and concentrate on feelings often tuned out by the noise and activity in life. Being fully aware of one’s own feelings makes it much easier to recognize the new sensations sudden intuitive thought brings.

Noticing Intuitive Stimuli

Through continued practice of meditation and mindfulness of the self, the process becomes more automatic. Once the ability to meditate and to be aware of one’s own sensation of self, begin to notice changes during different situations and when being with various people.

Conducting intuitive experiments is a good way to strengthen awareness of self and the ability to notice intuitive stimuli:

Experimenting With Intuition in a New Place

Before walking into a building, stop to mentally scan the self for sensations for a few seconds. Mentally affirming that intuitive insight is wanted can help. Statements like, “I am open to intuitive information that is important for me to know,” can help. Enter the room, and focus on any changes in the body. Is there a sensation of warmth, cold, heaviness, well-being, or unease? Mentally note those feelings.

Mentally thanking the self for any information or sensations received can reaffirm and reward the self for a job well done and can encourage more development of intuitive awareness.

Intuition Experiments With a New Person

In a public place such as a store, mentally scan the self for sensations. Walk around the store, while passing by others or waiting in a checkout line, notice any changes in body sensations. Is there a feeling of comfort, the sensation of a wall between people, or does the skin crawl? Mentally note those feelings.

The most difficult part of noticing intuitive messages is in recognizing that the harder one tries, the harder it becomes. Intuition is subtle. Concentrating too hard can cause missed signals or may invite conscious thought.

Conscious thought can affect the accuracy of the information one perceives. In a word, relax and let it come. If it is there, it will come. If not, don’t try to force it. With practice and over time, intuitive sensations will become stronger and may include feelings, words, or physical sensations. Some will experience all of those sensations. Others will experience only some.

To encourage further development of intuition, it is important to reward the self for noticing intuitive information.

This article can be found at: http://new-age-beliefs.suite101.com/article.cfm/easy_ways_to_develop_intuition_with_meditation