Tough Love Gurus’ Share Tips To Improve Your Relationship – Personal Articles.

We spoke with the Tough Love stars, to find out what advice they have for keeping and maintaining a loving relationship.

On their newest VH1 show, Tough Love Couples, Steve and JoAnn help couples figure out if they are ready to take their relationship to the next level. Just like last season, the couples will go through a boot camp where Steve delivers brutal honesty about the areas each couple need to address. At the end of camp, the participants must decide if they are going to break up for good or get engaged. The contestants on the show are dealing with common issues that many couples face.

JoAnn’s basic advice: “To make any relationship last, you must have communication, respect and trust. With that as a foundation, you can survive almost anything.”

Adds Steve: “Love is the suspension of your own ego in the eyes of that other person, to be absolutely defenseless around them, to not worry about that person harming you, hurting you or threatening you in any way. If you can do that with the person you’re with, then it’s a sign you’re in love.”

There are five areas that partners can work on today to strengthen their relationship, say Steve and JoAnn:

1. Let’s talk about sex. Two out of three people are unhappy with their sex life, so this clearly is an area where many couples could use improvement — and that doesn’t mean just having more of it. Couples need to talk about it: Share their likes and dislikes, discuss their expectations and just be open and honest with each other.

“Men use relationships to get sex and women use sex to get relationships,” Steve observes. “People have an attitude about sex. Get over it, just talk about it.”

2. Take the gloves off. Every couple will have disagreements and arguments; it’s how you argue that that can harm your relationship. Take time to collect and calm yourself to avoid a nasty fight. But if an argument does happen, always resolve it and don’t let it linger. Angry and hurt feelings can be destructive to your relationship.

“Stay in control,” Steve says. “Don’t say anything you may regret and don’t waste your time being angry.”

3. Have I told you lately. If you can’t think of the last time you told your loved one how much you adore them and how much they mean to you, it’s obviously been way to long. Tell them today and again tomorrow! You cannot assume your partner knows how you feel; everyone likes to be told they are adored, loved and appreciated. Use your own words, but unless your partner is hearing these things from you, they could end up feeling taken for granted.

“Nothing motivates a man more than an attaboy.It’s important to express how much you care about your man,” Steve advises women.

4. Let the love grow. As your relationship grows it’s critical that you grow together. As a couple, you need to continue to make time for each other no matter how busy your lives get. But you also need make time for yourself.

“Love is a verb,” Steve says. “You have to do it and show each other love.”

If each person puts the other first, the only possible outcome is love and happiness,” JoAnn adds. “However, in order for this to work, both people need to think this way.”

5.Say what. How couples communicate will make or break any relationship. Be open and honest and always keep the lines of communication open. Don’t avoid discussing the hard stuff, but be thoughtful and considerate of each other.

“Communication is the most important tool you can use to reinforce the connection,” Steve says.

“Communication is everything” JoAnn concludes. “You cannot be afraid to express yourself.”

Thousands of couples tried out for Tough Love Couples, with only six couples making it to the boot camp. Watch the episodes at 9 p.m. Mondays on VH1 to see if the couples have what it takes for lasting love.

This article is written by Tara Stiles. Author of Slim Calm Sexy, founder of Strala, and Deepak Chopra’s yoga teacher. Posted: May 1, 2010 07:00 AM @ The Huffington Post.

A good teacher once told me that it’s impossible to live every moment to the fullest. (Fun fact: she wasn’t a yoga teacher.) She was right. We miss moments all the time. If we obsessed over fully living them all we might spontaneously combust, or appear intensely hyper and loony. Her simple message brought awareness to all the moments that we do miss, that we dull out on, ignore, or choose not to plug into. We tune out for all sorts of reasons. We’re tired, depressed, uninterested, bored, or simply lost in thought about the million other places we need to be. We’re not present. What does that even mean anyway? I know I have been put off in the past by so many new age teachings telling me in convoluted ways how to tap into the earth energy and blossom my inner bumble bee . . . or whatever. Sounds like more distractions competing for attention, when what we really need is a little quiet.

When we focus mostly on our immediate needs, wants and desires, we may achieve some of them, but hardly feel satisfied. When we feel connected to ourselves on a deeper level, we get happy. We feel safe. This doesn’t happen when we’re thinking about channeling our earth mother, or about how connected we are. It just happens when we get quiet, watch, and listen. It happens when we pay attention without thinking “I’m paying attention.” Best of all, what happens then is we’re able to connect with others and catch some of those precious moments that are always there. What’s the point? In these small moments lives a vibrant, renewable source of inspiration and creativity that fuels all things interesting, inspirational, joyful and fun.

Ever caught someone’s eye on the street and shared a simple smile? Sure, we all have. Those moments of innocence connect us deeply with our own potential and are available for us to enjoy whenever we choose. We only have to be willing to wake up.

5 Simple Ways to Live More Fully.

1. Observe. Take a look around. Watch people. Watch nature. Watch the sun and the clouds. The world is set up for us to observe. Check it out.

2. Take in. In order to take in we have to soften. When we have built up armor against all the bad things we think might happen in the world, we have a false sense of protection and have only built up isolation. We can start where we’re comfortable and build from there. Allow yourself to take in a sappy romantic movie at home. When vulnerability becomes just another feeling like excitement, we become more familiar with it and can allow it to flow through us.

3. Respond. We have to train ourselves in response just like we train ourselves in taking in. Our reactions are colored with our psychology and our mood. It takes some conscious effort to clear muddled psychology and make room for authentic response. When we find this clarity, we get to experience a gratifying release and much deeper relating.

4. Pay attention. Paying attention to what we allow ourselves to pay attention to is a tricky thing. It’s like being in two places at once, but completely worth the discipline. We can react mindlessly or respond mindfully. It’s up to us. When we turn on our observation capabilities we become much more in the moment, and much more powerful. Psychic powers have been known to develop from consistent practice of paying attention. It’s available to us all. It’s all in what we choose to practice.

5. Enjoy. Without a sense of lightness, life can become quite a drag. Our days fill with mundane tasks we need to complete and secret desires that lead to anxiety. Have fun and enjoy your life. Might as well while we’re here.

Follow Tara Stiles on Twitter: www.twitter.com/tarastiles