Last week someone told me that in his eighty-odd years he had never seen such pervasive levels of fear and anger. This observation gave me pause to wonder: how do we restore ourselves, heal our spirit and revitalize the earth too? What is true healing, anyway, and can it be effected?
When we are unwell, it’s mostly due to imbalances clogging our lives and limiting our innate capacity for joy and well-being. These internal imbalances and energy blockages often express themselves as disturbing emotions–anger, frustration, anxiety and alienation, to name a few, and also manifest through the physical body as ulcers and allergies, migraines, back pain and other forms of dis-ease great and small. The root cause of these and other imbalances of mind-body-spirit are very much in line with the Buddhist notion that our own obscurations and illusions cause all of our afflictions and suffering, of all kinds– at the outer, inner and at the subtlest levels as well. Conflicting emotions and delusion results in unwholesome acts which bring us low, mentally, physically, energetically, spiritually and psychically. In fact, longevity as well as vitality is also negatively impacted by these karmic imbalances.
The following Five Secrets illustrate how we can bring our body, speech, energy and heart-mind into harmony with awareness-wisdom, the vital wholeness of genuine well-being and ethical reality. Don’t tell anyone: these are just for you.
How do we heal the spirit? First, let’s together consider: Is it really broken or wounded? This is the first secret, which requires you to question and clarify this for yourself. What is it that can be hurt, wounded, or injured? Only the impermanent construct of the separate, bubble-like individual self can be subject to loss and suffering. Pain is inevitable in life, suffering more optional; it depends more on what you make of things than on what happens around and to you. Introspect deeply and continuously, and see if you can’t, recognize the unbreakable and untouchable original nature of beingness that exists within, beyond false endurance or even resilience. To know this is to bring the mind into balance by dissolving the numberless distracting doubts, questions, and superficial anxieties that usually afflict it. You heal and restore the spirit whenever, wherever, and however you contact your adamantine original goodness, thus achieving inner peace and contentment.
The second secret to healing spirit — asking for help — echoes in all the timeless world traditions. One example is found in the Bible’s shortest prayer from Moses, who, when his elderly wife was very ill, prayed simply: “Lord, please heal her.” We ourselves could learn a lot from the simplicity and humility, honesty, vulnerability and earnestness in the old master’s sincere prayer. Even if you’re not a particularly Higher Power-oriented or prayerful person; who among us hasn’t instinctively turned our thoughts upward amidst a dire crisis, perhaps when a child was involved? Asking for help is a good thing to do, when needed, even if it’s just to human sources. No one can do it all alone. Recent research by Drs. Larry Dossey, Herbert Benson, and Richard Davidson among others reveals that prayer, mental resolve, mindfulness cultivation and altruism can all help make a significant difference in healing as well as raising our happiness quotient. Even the placebo effect can work in our favor! Finding words to ask for help is a way we can heal the spirit and find peace. This is not just simple faith healing; it includes intentional mental cultivation through repeated practice, including powerful and profound, tried and true contemplative techniques and spiritual exercises such as meditation, chanting, creative visualization, yoga, breath & energy work, and the like.
The third secret to healing the spirit recognizes that the Holy Spirit or inner light can be understood as the Breath–the universal language that opens every tongue and every ear to every language. It is no accident that the word breath in many ancient languages also refers to spirit: “ruach” in Hebrew; “prana” in Sanskrit; “pneuma” in Greek; “spiritus” in Latin. No wonder that to be with breath is to be in the spirit and heal the spirit. God and Buddha are closer to us than our own breath, our own heartbeat. The practice of being fully with one’s breath is to get embodied and in the present moment. In this way, there’s no pushing away from what is unwanted in your body, there’s no rejection of where you’re at. Let yourself find a natural rhythm of breath. Imagine the in-breath bringing with it infinite healing capacities, letting it fill all the cells of the body with purity and well-being. Let go of all expectations as you do this, just letting yourself be present with each breath. Breathe, relax, focus, center and smile.
The fourth secret for healing the spirit is to try to take advantage of The Pearl Principle: no inner irritation, no pearl gets produced. Crisis implies opportunity, and can be a great catalyst for meaningful reflection and transformative change. In truth, there are no unequivocally good or bad things or experiences, only the wanted and the unwanted; everything is subjective. Rather than instinctively pushing pain and woundedness away, as usual, we can choose to transmute them into helpful healing gifts we embrace and eventually share, like turning broken heartedness into heart-opening experience and thus increasing our empathy, compassion and sensitivity to those who likewise suffer. A former addict becomes the best drug counselor; the cancer survivor who told me he’d never have found himself and his true vocation without the disease he received (he was thirty when I met him). Turning the leaden base metal of suffering and angst into the golden treasure of generous service, finding one’s purpose and deep connection with others are important tools. Each time you utilize the Pearl Principle, you heal your spirit and touch the spirit of others like a Medicinal Midas.
The fifth key to healing ourselves is not what happens to us as much as reshaping and reframing the story we tell ourselves about it. Woundedness, like victimhood, is mostly a narrative or story we tell ourselves; how much we suffer from our pains and difficulties depends very much on our attitude towards it, our frame of reference. When you get locked into the impermanent yet powerful I-centered view of how you are a victim, and place your attention too much upon what others are thinking, saying and doing, you will suffer emotionally. Loving kindness — wishing well for others — and heartfelt empathic compassion are great protections from the pernicious disease and restlessness of anger, fear, resentment, jealousy and bitterness. We can’t truly heal the spirit unless we find ways to make love of our self complete and unconditional. Love is a total attention that can deepen and become the fullness of loving presence, in which we’ve embraced, forgiven, and accepted ourselves completely. Here is true healing, not far from what theists call divine love. Why are we so often afraid to genuinely embrace and totally accept ourselves?
This is where inner healing begins and radiates outward. These Five Secrets reveal that the mind is mightier than the sword. Here we’re not just talking about your personal egocentric mind and intellect, but deeper consciousness and spiritual awareness. This soulful vehicle can be a vessel for ultimate healing as well as relative lifestyle improvements when we can learn how to step out of our own way and let our higher selves and true connection to the All come into play. Whether you are using prayer, breath practice, self-inquiry, the Pearl Principle, relational mindfulness with a partner, or crafting a new narrative story, you can recognize that there are many ways and skillful means to achieving peace and harmony. Most importantly, trust yourself to find the appropriate path to healing the imbalances in your life, and let’s undertake together this necessary journey — so uplifting both now and later.No matter what, an oppressed spirit can and will rise again given the right support and guidance from Source who help shows the way to heal all wounds and get the energy flowing again. Hate and resentment is a breeding ground for disease. Anger is the fuel for the fire that burns oneself, and close-minded ignorance hides the truth that saves. Let’s strive to learn how to free the spirit, set a new course and intention for our life, let go and surrender, and learn simple daily ways to renew the self, re-ignite your passionate inner fire and fan it into flame, and soar on high.
“Offer up every joy,
Be awake at all moments to the news
That is always arriving
Out of silence.”-Rainer Maria Rilke
(The Frisky) — Carrie Bradshaw is not only a Manhattan and fashion icon, but as a dating columnist, she’s considered a dating icon as well. Why? She’s selfish, immature, manipulative, impulsive, and, let’s face it, kind of psycho.
She gives women, even kooky women, a bad name. Ladies, feel free to emulate Carrie’s style and visit her favorite NYC haunts, but when it comes to dating, it’s best to do anything but what she does.
Carrie makes several common mistakes throughout the “Sex and the City” series and by watching her missteps, women can learn a lot about what to do and, more importantly, what not to do, at all stages of a relationship.
Don’t assume. When Carrie begins dating Mr. Big, she assumes that since she’s not seeing anyone else, he’s not either. Predictably, she’s shocked when she finds him at dinner with another woman.
Although she and Big had shared a bed together, they had only gone on two dates by that point; he certainly didn’t owe her exclusivity, especially when they hadn’t discussed it.
If you don’t want your new guy to date anyone else, make sure he knows it. While there’s no magic time to have the “what do we call this relationship” talk, it’s imperative that you have the talk at some point.
Over-analyzing doesn’t solve anything. Carrie often falls into the trap of over and over and over-analyzing every aspect of her relationships, wondering what each and every little tiny thing means. She looks for hidden meanings in the most ordinary events. When Big takes her to the same restaurant twice in a row, she looks for a secret motive. She listens to answering machine messages from him repeatedly, straining to hear what he’s not saying.
Sometimes, men are not up-front about why they do what they do, but most of the time, a restaurant is just a restaurant and a message is just a message.
Stalking isn’t sexy. “Sex and the City” existed in a time before cell phones were ubiquitous, Google was a verb, and posting on Facebook and Twitter became a national pastime. Yet Carrie still manages to stalk Big, following him to church to see what he does on Sundays and with whom, and concocting a scheme to meet his ex-wife.
While there’s nothing wrong with looking up a new date online, cyberstalking or, worse, actually stalking someone likely won’t end well. When he finds out that you’ve been moonlighting as a private investigator, he won’t be flattered. Instead, he’ll wonder what he’s getting himself into and will probably be ready to end what may have just started.
Drama doesn’t equal passion. Carrie is scared when Aidan seems “too perfect.” She wants to know what’s wrong with him and insists he must be hiding a big secret from her. As she ponders her new relationship, she writes, “Do we need drama to make a relationship work?” The answer is no.
Unfortunately, many women equate drama with passion. A relationship filled with drama is usually exciting because you never know what could happen — good or bad. That kind of excitement can be destructive and is ultimately unsustainable. A drama-free relationship isn’t one that’s necessarily without love or passion; it’s one that’s mature enough to not need the emotional roller coaster.
“Perfect” doesn’t exist. Even as Aidan is too perfect, Carrie insists on perfection when she goes out with Berger for the first time. She goes shopping for the perfect outfit and tries to think of what activity they can do to make it the perfect first date. However, she soon realizes that Berger isn’t interested in her clothes or doing the best thing ever on a date; he’s interested in her.
When we strive for perfection, we’re bound to be disappointed because no date, guy or relationship will ever live up to that expectation.
Be the better person. In one of the most memorable scenes of the series, Berger dumps Carrie on a Post-it note. Was he nasty and immature? Absolutely! But was she right to yell at his friends when she ran into them at the club opening? No. Of course, she was hurt and angry, but she ranted at the wrong audience. Although he was a jerk, she made herself look ridiculous.
Everyone is dumped at some point — if you take the high road, he’ll look like the bad guy and it won’t look like he had a reason to end things.
If you’re not yourself around him, he’s not right for you. When she’s dating Aleksandr Petrovsky, Carrie subverts herself and her desires to please her new man. She feigns interest in his interests and eventually gives up her career, apartment and city for him.
It’s great to explore new things in a relationship — in fact, one of the best aspects of dating is that it opens you up to new people and ideas — but when you stop acting like yourself and start taking on your boyfriend’s ideas and ideals, it’s time to disentangle from the relationship and find yourself again.
Magical endings are for movies. The series ends when Carrie reunites with both Manhattan and Big. Sweeping camera angles, soaring music, and kissing under lampposts in the rain are great for fiction, but sometimes holding hands on the couch says more about a couple’s commitment to each other.
Don’t forget to cherish the small moments while you wait for the big ones that might never come.
My family attended our son’s graduation over the weekend at the University of Vermont where the commencement speaker was Eric K. Shinseki, United States Secretary of Veterans Affairs. Aside from delivering a short and rather entertaining speech, he got across a pretty simple message to the emerging graduates: the real mark of success is kindness, and sharing that with others.
We sat through 3,000 graduates receiving their diplomas (a four hour ceremony) and celebrated with brunch afterward. Toward the end of the day, my husband and I and our new graduate took a walk from the hotel to the small town of Burlington where we ran into a young boy asking if we had any paper towels. Handing him a few Kleenex we turned to walk away, when we all stopped and turned to follow him asking … do you need more? Is everything okay?
As we looked to him, around the corner came a mother carrying her small child with blood gushing from his head – obviously having fallen in some sort of accident – and a small brother crying and trailing close behind. The mother calmly asked us to drive them to the hospital as the child screamed in pain and fear, blood now covering the mother’s arm completely as she struggled to hold him and calm him while trying to get help. The three of us led the mother quickly to our car as we talked to the younger brother and helped calm him down. My son jumped into the driver’s seat and calmly but quickly drove us to the emergency room at the UVM hospital where the mom and child were met by an immediately responsive hospital staff. As the mom began to talk to the staff, we said goodbye and returned to our hotel to walk again to town for dinner.
It was a perfect example of people helping one another – what we all do in a crisis – and what many of us do on a day to day basis: be kind to one another. I heard the other day that the Dalai Lama said we, as a people globally are becoming more compassionate, and the only reason we don’t all know it is that the media focuses so much on the negative: disasters, war, crime and horrors in the world. I am constantly reminded of the kindness of strangers, of our humanity, in the way people go out of their way to help one another – crisis or not. At the same time I know there are people acting cruelly to one another in areas where people have become hardened by war, violence and poverty. But then I think of the people I have met in my travels to India, South Africa, Kenya, Malawi and many other countries around the world, and I know that I see kindness far MORE than cruelty, and I see people working to stop the cruelty that exists. I know I am far luckier than many in the opportunities I have had in my life but I see the kindness of humans – our humanity – across economic, educational, religious and other socioeconomic differences. Perhaps the Dalai Lama is right and we are evolving into a kinder species with time, or perhaps that basic kindness has always been there it just becomes overshadowed by the rarer cruelties of humans that demand our attention to stop them and to assure they will not happen again.
As I see our three children grow into global citizens of the world, I see their kindness to one another, their friends, and strangers on a day to day basis. And I see the same in my friend’s friends, and the kids whose parents I do not know, and the kids I meet when traveling all around the world. Perhaps it is worth reminding us of our human kindness and to remind us to notice it every day; and as the commencement speaker suggested, to keep expanding it in all we do.
I share this Maya Angelou quote whenever I can, and in light of the commencement speaker’s message to new college graduates as they venture out into the world to gain ’success.’
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
In the midst of the economic meltdown … with chaos and hardship everywhere, my business is growing, I’m happily married 17 years and counting, I’m connected with my two boys, I have a terrific social life, I’m physically fit and most important … I’m happy! Is it possible during these challenging times to be this way?
I say yes!
Look, I have been to the lowest point in my life — waking up in the gutter, wasted on drugs with no hope of ever changing my life. If I can turn my life around, so can you.
Today, as a success coach, I think of myself as a life strategist in a business world. I travel from city to city giving lectures and conducting seminars that help change people’s lives. Guiding people toward greater success in their chosen field, while simultaneously enabling them to achieve a better balance across all the key areas of their lives — that’s what I do.
How is this type of turnaround possible?
I simply decided a long time ago to stop living by default and start to live By Design!
Now, what if I told you I could help you achieve the same results in your own life — show you how to navigate the rough water we’re all treading these days by creating a plan to not only survive but actually thrive in these difficult times?
As of July 2008, there were more than 123,000,000 Americans who were either struggling or suffering, in great part but not entirely due to the economic crisis. As things progressively get worse, that number continues to skyrocket, eclipsing the number of thriving Americans month after month.
Are you one of them?
To fully understand what holds us back from living to our fullest potential, you have to recognize that most people live life by default. What I mean by this is they fail to decide how they want their lives to be or have an unwillingness to do whatever it takes to make that happen, and simply accept things as they are. They believe they have no say or power to affect their course. But the bottom line about living by default, in my view, is that it represents choosing to be a victim!
Most people are living in what I refer to as an active coma. They’re alive, functioning, but appear to be plugged into an imaginary life support, hoping someday when they wake up everything will be okay. Think about it; they’ve become victims of the circumstances of the world and they’re doing little to nothing about it! They’re suffering with the economy, the housing crises, politics, their finances or lack thereof, their relationships, their health and their emotional well-being, just to name a few. And they’re stuck, concerned, worried and afraid to act! They’re afraid to change, afraid to try a new approach; they’re in a coma!
Why is it that some people live their lives full of love, abundance and purpose, what I would call a rich and full life, while others live in a state of fear, lack and indecision? It is because most of the world sees themselves as victims. They’re always suffering. Now more than ever, adversity is destined to be on your path. Are you worried about losing your job, home, marriage, health or money? The question isn’t how did you get here, but what will you do now?
When you realize that you’ve been living your life by default, you will become consciously aware that you are responsible for your choices. With 20 years and nearly 30,000 hours of success coaching behind me, I have learned that most people get comfortable suffering and accept things as they are too quickly, rather than choosing to change or try something new!
Aristotle said the formula for happiness and success is to “first, have a definite, clear, practical idea, goal or objective. Second, attain it by whatever means available, whether wisdom, money, materials, or methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end.”
All success is predicated on finding what you are passionate about and then becoming relentless in your pursuit of every possibility so you will achieve your dreams.
When I was making some difficult decisions to change things up in my own life several years ago, my mentor and friend Mike Vance asked me five thought-provoking and life-altering questions to help me envision and then plan out the path I should take.
1. Why are you here — what’s your purpose?
2. How do you want to show up for others — what are your values?
3. What are your God-given talents?
4. Five years from now, how is the world experiencing you?
5. Who would you already be if you were already there?
None of these questions was easy to answer, but they all got me thinking … hard. It was as if a door had been opened that I never even knew existed. If I could identify these answers, anything was possible. All I had to do was figure out my next step. If I could do that, I could stop living by default and would discover the keys to creating a life, By Design.
The people living By Design live by a different set of rules. They know an upset is just an upset, their problems are assets and the past is where it belongs — somewhere behind them. They aren’t victims; they’re victors, heroes if you will, because they are willing to jump through hoops to live the life they dream of. I’ve met people who don’t have two nickels to rub together, as well as extremely successful business people that fall into this category. Living By Design isn’t about how much money you have. It’s a frame of mind that positively impacts every core area of your life. It isn’t easy, but living By Design is hugely rewarding, and that my friend, is our goal.
The Four Addictions
I’ve discovered four addictions we all have that destroy more dreams, more hopes and more lives than alcohol, drugs, food, gambling or sex combined. When I refer to addictions, I am not focused on any of these. To me, those are habitual symptoms or effects brought on by four much larger causes that are the root cause of those symptoms.
They are:
1) The Addiction to opinions of other people. As a society, we’re addicted to what others think about us and how others’ views of the world affect us.
2) The Addiction to drama. Some people are drawn to and consumed by any event or situation that occupies their thoughts and fills their mind with negativity, which often brings attention to them in unproductive ways.
3) The Addiction to the past. These people have an unhealthy attachment to events or situations that have occurred in the past. They’re stuck in how things used to be.
4) The Addiction to worry. This addiction is comprised of all the negative and self-defeating thoughts that make us anxious, disturbed, upset and stressed, that hold us back in life. Tom Ferry’s Sure Signs of Four Addictions — these are merely ideas to help you identify how each addiction could be showing up in your life. Do not reject the addiction if you don’t relate to the six examples in each category. Think about situations in your life that might be more relevant to you.
The Addiction to the Opinions of Others
1. You Are Concerned About What Others Are Saying or Think About You.
2. You Have Good Ideas and Intentions But Find Yourself Afraid to Act on Them.
3. You Over Leveraged Yourself Financially in the Last Decade With Cars, Clothes, Homes, Jewelry and More.
4. You Are Constantly Seeking Other People’s Approval or Avoiding Their Disapproval.
5. You’re Afraid to Speak in Public.
6. You’re Afraid to Speak Your Mind. The Addiction to Drama
1. You Love To Gossip.
2. You Are Always In The Middle of a Crisis.
3. You’re Glued to the News, Magazines and Stories About X Y & Z.
4. You Have a Tendency Toward Over Reacting Versus Rational Behavior.
5. Everything Is a Bigger Deal Than It Actually Is.
6. You’re a Pot Stirrer. The Addiction to the Past
1. You Constantly Talk About the Past and the Way Things Used to Be.
2. You Resist Change.
3. You Continually Fail to Plan for a Better Future.
4. You Argue for the Past That Things Used to be Better.
5. You’ve Allowed Relationships to Become Stale, Uninteresting and Without Passion.
6. You have Physically or Mentally Peaked. The Addiction to Worry
1. You’re Depressed, Concerned and Fearful about Everything.
2. You Spend Time with Other Worriers.
3. You Turn to TV and Movies as a Way to Escape the Thoughts in Your Head.
4. You Continuously Wake Up at Night from Your Mind Chatter.
5. You Continuously Go to the Worst-Case Scenario First.
6. You Use Food, Alcohol or Drugs to Control Your Moods and Feelings.
If you were to take away only one message from me, I want you to free yourself from the four addictions. Your life will become instantly and infinitely better.
I’m not a guru. I am a regular guy who has made it his life’s mission to make a difference in other people’s lives. I have been exposed to more and perhaps different models of excellence over the course of my career, which has helped me develop and brand my own model of excellence, one you can now benefit from and experience for yourself.
I am one of the fortunate guys in this world who wakes up every day eager, anxious, excited, fired up and ready to get to work. I love my wife and two sons. Against many obstacles, I have created an extraordinary life. Am I somehow luckier than you?
No.
I simply learned to and choose to live my life By Design–not by default. So can you.
(Health.com) — Humans are hardwired to feel another person’s pain. But they may feel less innate empathy if the other person’s skin color doesn’t match their own, a new study suggests.
When people say “I feel your pain,” they usually just mean that they understand what you’re going through. But neuroscientists have discovered that we literally feel each other’s pain (sort of).
If you see — or even just think of — a person who gets whacked in the foot, for instance, your nervous system responds as if you yourself had been hit in the same spot, even though you don’t perceive the pain physically.
Researchers in Italy are reporting that subtle racial bias can interfere with this process — a finding with important implications for health care as well as social harmony.
“Pain empathy is basically feeling someone else’s pain,” says Carmen Green, M.D., a professor of anesthesiology at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor, who was not involved in the research. “This paper tells us that race plays a role in pain empathy.”
In the study, which appears in the journal Current Biology, people of Italian and African descent watched short film clips that showed needles pricking black- and white-skinned hands. As they watched, researchers measured the participants’ empathy (i.e., their nervous-system activity) by monitoring sensors attached to the same spot on their hands. They also tracked the participants’ heart rates and sweat-gland activity, a common measure of emotional response.
“White observers reacted more to the pain of white than black models, and black observers reacted more to the pain of black than white models,” says the lead researcher, Alessio Avenanti, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Bologna.
The researchers also showed clips of a needle pricking a hand painted bright purple. Both the Italian and African participants were more likely to empathize with this intentionally strange-looking hand than with the hand of another race, which implies that the earlier lack of empathy was due to skin color, not just difference. “This is quite important, because it suggests that humans tend to empathize by default unless prejudice is at play,” says Avenanti.
The researchers gauged prejudice by testing the participants on how readily they associated good and bad concepts with Italians and Africans. The people who showed a strong preference for their own group in this test also tended to show the least empathy when the hand belonging to the other group was needled, the researchers found.
Although the culture and history of racial bias is somewhat different in Italy than in the U.S., Avenanti suspects the findings would be similar if the same experiment were conducted with Americans.
Empathy is more complex in the real world than in a laboratory. Even so, the study findings suggest that racial differences and prejudice could play a role in some doctor-patient interactions, especially in the treatment of pain or chronic pain.
“A doctor with high racial bias may understand the pain of other-race patients in a more detached or disembodied manner and, in principle, this may contribute to the causes of racial disparities in health care,” Avenanti says.
Previous research has shown that doctors tend to empathize more with a patient’s pain — and provide higher-quality care — if they have a history of pain themselves, or if someone close to them has experienced chronic, debilitating pain, Dr. Green says.
“Now we are understanding that if you see someone as being more like you, you can empathize with their pain better,” she says. “Race, age, gender, and class probably play a role in how we assess and treat patients with pain.”
So does that mean that, say, an African American with low back pain should seek out only doctors who are African American?
Not necessarily. Green says it’s more important to find a doctor who actively listens to you and asks questions.
“If you feel you are not heard, or that your pain complaints are not being taken seriously, you can and should see another doctor,” she says.
(CNN) — Wes Moore appeared in his hometown newspaper, The Baltimore Sun, 10 years ago because of his impressive academic achievements. Around the same time, he noticed a story in the paper about a jewelry store robbery in which a police officer and a father of five was killed.
He learned one of the convicted killers shared his name.
While Wes Moore the Rhodes Scholar would become a combat veteran in Afghanistan and a White House fellow, Wes Moore the convicted felon was sentenced to life in prison. Their correspondence through letters and prison visits led to the release of the book “The Other Wes Moore” this spring.
“The name was the first thing that drove me,” said Moore, 31, on what inspired him to befriend the inmate.
Other people may have wondered who also lays claim to their name. Google a relatively common name such as “Steve Jones,” and a biologist, musician and golfer appear. And Steve is not even among the Top 10 boys’ names of the last century.
Names are becoming increasingly diverse in the United States. Cleveland Evans, former president of The American Name Society, says more parents are seeking distinctive names for all sorts of reasons, from paying tribute to their child’s ethnicity to giving the child a unique Google legacy.
“They want their child to have something neat or inspiring,” said Michael Campbell, owner of Behindthename.com, a website housing the meanings of about 16,000 names.
Parents are spending more time mulling over what to name their child, said Laura Wattenberg, founder of the book and blog BabyNameWizard.com. The possibilities are endless, and not even experts such as Evans can pinpoint an exact number of names in America.
In recent decades, Wattenberg said popular baby names are becoming a smaller fraction of what parents are choosing for their children.
Every culture in the world has specific designations for specific people. It’s something human beings have had as long as they have had language. –Cleveland Evans, former president of The American Name Society
The Social Security Administration announced this month that Isabella reigns as the top baby girl’s name in America. But even today’s most popular name of Isabella represents only half the number of babies named Mary when it was the top girl’s name in 1960.
The SSA, which began documenting name popularity in 1997, tracks only the 1,000 most popular names each year.
The 1960s, a decade of tremendous political and social shifts, is responsible for expanding the pool of names, several naming experts noted. More Americans began to reject conformity and embrace individualism.
“Nobody wants their kids to fit in anymore,” Wattenberg said. “They want them to stand out.”
One unusual name that made it into the SSA’s 1,000 most popular names recently is Nevaeh, which is “heaven” spelled backward. Other unusual names for babies include picking places such as Brooklyn and Memphis.
Celebrity and ethnicity
Some celebrities are exemplifying the trend. Actress Gwyneth Paltrow stirred up mixed reactions when she decided to name her child Apple in 2004. When Angelina Jolie named her children Shiloh and Maddox, naming experts predicted those names would become popular in coming years. Maddox has already seen steady gains in the past five years, climbing to No. 180 on the SSA list this year.
Parents can be influenced by Hollywood, said Michael J. Astrue, SSA commissioner. He thinks the name Isabella reached the top spot because of the hit “Twilight” movie series, in which the heroine is named Bella. Astrue also speculated the name Lindsay fell from No. 381 in 2008 to No. 524 in 2009 because of actress Lindsay Lohan’s legal woes.
Immigrants to the U.S. historically have adopted more American-sounding names. Italian immigrants in the earlier part of the 20th century sometimes dropped vowels from the end of last names to assimilate.
Now ethnic-sounding names are making a comeback. Some naming experts have cited an uptick in names such as Barack, inspired by President Barack Obama.
Parents from immigrant families may give their children an ethnic name to remain tied to their culture, said Hannah Emery, a graduate student of sociology at the University of California-Berkeley. She is studying naming trends.
Biracial and multiracial couples are more careful of the names they select for their children because they want the name to reflect different ethnic backgrounds, she said.
Naming consequences implied
So what’s the big deal about picking the right name?
If some academic studies are correct, a name can have consequences for a person’s job, residency and even school grades.
One of the most famous studies comes from the University of Chicago in 2003. Professors reported children with “black-sounding” names such as Lakisha and Jamal are 50 percent less likely to receive a call back for a job interview compared to “white-sounding” names such as Emily or Greg.
Your name really has to stand for you on your own. –Laura Wattenberg, author of The Baby Name Wizard
Brett Pelham, a psychology professor at the University of Buffalo in New York, discovered names can affect where a person decides to live. Women named Georgia and Virginia are about 44 percent more likely to move to a state with the same name, according to his research.
Pelham attributes the naming phenomenon to ‘implicit egotism,” the idea that people unconsciously select things, places and other people that resemble them.
A name can affect academic achievement, said professors Leif Nelson, now at the University of California-Berkeley, and Joseph Simmons at Yale University, in their 2007 study. After analyzing grades, they found students with names that began with a C or D earned lower grade point averages than those that started with an A or a B.
These studies are not absolute. But one thing is clear: A name is more than a name.
“It’s a decision that people really do put in time, effort and weight,” says June Rifkin, author of “The Everything Baby Names Book,” a compilation of baby names released in 2006. “I don’t think it is haphazard. There is a lot of consideration because their child will have to have their name for the rest of their lives.”
Hello everyone! People often ask for advice on how to get a good reading. The best way is to start with one of our tested readers. Then, think about how you want your reading to go. If you have a question, ask it.
Often people say nothing or just say “give me a reading.” The reader then goes with whatever they pick up the strongest. The thread that they follow may not be the reason you called.
You are liable to get a great reading about work when you are calling about a love interest.
Do not be afraid to give the reader a starting point. For example, say, “I met someone new, his name is ____. Do you see anything developing?” Or, “I am in a relationship with _____ that seems stalled, do you see a problem?” That way the reader focuses their talents in the right area saving everyone frustration. The trick is a balance between information and expectation. Don’t say too much or too little.
THE IMPORTANCE OF TAKING NOTES was reinforced the other day when a client that had not called in over a year called and asked for a specific reader. I noticed that she had indicated that she never wanted to speak to that particular reader again. I reminded her of her comments. She said, “I took notes. Almost everything this reader told me happened. I want to talk to her again.” My guess is that the reader told her something she did not want to hear. I did not press for anymore information. I was thankful that she had taken notes and called us back!
The Original Solution Psychics at THE Psychic Line known for quality are proud of our readers and our service. If you have issues we have insight.
Take notes. You get more bang for your buck if you do! Because the readers have the gift of insight, they often discuss something that you overlook because you are not aware it even exists. Let a tested psychic reader share his/her gift!
I was just finishing up a review on organic dog biscuits entitled Bone Appetit! (quite tasty, I must say) when I ran across this video on Facebook entitled, “Jessica’s Daily Affirmation”. It came highly recommended from a friend so I took a short break to watch and was completely blown away. I teach my students about the power of intention, positivity and belief every day and am thinking that I want to hire this girl to be my protegee (or at least deal with all of my business emails).
Her effusive joy for all the small things has left me with a perma-grin. It reminded me that we hold the power to create our own reality.
Think of it this way — your day begins right before you go to sleep. Our expectation and agenda for the following day starts to flood the mind as we settle into sleep. Often this can cause stress and anticipation over what may be instead of what is.
A common example would be the night before you have to fly somewhere. The little worry-wart demons come out with a thick blue print of every little thing that could go wrong and the best of worst-case scenarios. Once we start to think of all these scenarios, they infuse our system with doubt and worry. This energy manifests until we’ve created our own personal labyrinth of chaos.
We need to be very careful of what we invite in.
That being said, I invite you to try this: before you fall asleep imagine your day. Don’t tell yourself such things as “I need to” or “I have to”. Start to tell yourself, “I’d enjoy a smooth journey through the airport to my final destination”. Envision everything going exactly as you’d wish it to. Then don’t wish it — will it. Believe it to be so. Plan your day out exactly the way you’d like to ride it. Make it smooth and kick out the road bumps, and if you end up hitting some along the way, enjoy the bump! Smile like Jessica and keep your eyes on the road.
Safe Travels! Buckle up — you’re in for exactly the ride you seek.
I rescued a cat today! He literally reached his paw out to try to touch me as I went by his cage. How could I resist!? This led me to this blog post. Are Cats Psychic? I think this one is . . .
Cats always seem to know more than they let on. But are they psychic? With the widespread news of Oscar the nursing home cat being able to predict when a patient will die, some people wonder if they live with a furry Nostradamus.
Oscar
For 25 times, Oscar suddenly cuddled with a patient and refuses to leave until the patient is dead. For 25 times, the patient has died in four hours. Can Oscar glimpse into the supernatural? Or does Oscar possess natural senses that far surpass our own? The answer is most likely that a dying person puts out a certain smell that science has not been able to identify. Why Oscar is attracted to that scent, if this is so, remains to be seen. What is known that Oscar is a reliable predictor of death.
Earthquakes
Long before Oscar, cats as well as dogs were known to be able to predict natural disasters long before people had any idea of danger. At Azabu University in Japan, Professor Mitsuaki Ota concluded that cats are incredibly reliable predictors of major earthquakes (those with a seismic rating of 6.0 or more). Cats will panic for no reason and try to escape the house. But not all cats will react, even to the same earthquake. It is thought that only 30% of cats reacted before the Great Hanshin Earthquake of 1996 that killed over 6,000 people and an unknown number of animals. Perhaps the mystery isn’t how cats detect earthquakes, but why would they bother?
There are several theories as to how cats can predict natural disasters. They could be able to detect changes in static electricity, or be super sensitive to underground vibrations. They could also be able to detect major shifts in the earth’s magnetic field. Or maybe they can hear the screams from those in the epicenter. But not all cats seem to react to impending doom. Perhaps not all cats are psychic, like not all people are psychic, but only some are.
World War II
One of the great legends of World War II that is very hard to prove is that cats were able to predict air raids. Their fur would stand up on end. Considering how busy everyone was with other problems during World War II, no scientific study was ever encouraged. But there are many family stories in England about the family cat giving a life saving warning long before the air raid sirens sounded.
Home Sweet Home
In Rupert Sheldrake’s popular book on animal psychic behavior, Dogs That Know When Their Owners Are Coming Home And Other Unexplained Powers of Animals, he concludes that many pets are psychic in the sense that they can detect when their owner has left work or is about to come home – even when the owners leaves at unpredictable times. An observer was left with the cat and noted when the cat started waiting for the owner (such as looking out a particular window.) The owner would then compare the time of the cat’s waiting to when he or she actually left for home.
Perhaps even more remarkable is a cat’s homing ability. Many of us are familiar with tales such as The Incredible Journey, where pets traveled thousands of miles to reunite with their humans. Rupert Sheldrake did homing cat experiments where a cat was let loose in a place he or she had never been. The cat was closely observed (partially for the cat’s safety) but also to see where the cat would go. Usually, the cat went right home.
In Conclusion
Cats definitely possess senses that we either don’t have or don’t use. But since cats are individuals, these senses differ from cat to cat. Cats can rarely be forced to do anything they don’t want to – so why would Oscar want to comfort the dying, for example? Perhaps cats see in us something we can’t see in ourselves – that we can be worth comforting, protecting and coming home to.
More often than not when I come in contact with people and ask, “How are you?” the answer comes out, “Things are good, just really busy.” The first part of that answer is often just a reflex, or a socially acceptable response which may or may not be true, but the second part is telling.
The question isn’t so much, how busy are you, but rather: what are you busy with?
In other words, what and who are we spending our invaluable resources of attention on?
Here are two simple steps to help you take stock of your life right now and shift to healthier living:
1. People – We all have a variety of people in our lives, some of them nourishing, some of them depleting. Let’s take a moment to take stock of who we are busy with and if we need to rearrange this at all.
* Make a list of the top 10 people you spend most of your time, list them in order.
* Next to that person’s name, rank them on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being nourishing and one being depleting.
2. Activities – Every day we engage in a multitude of activities, some nourishing, some depleting.
* Make a list of all the activities you go through during the day. Be specific: waking up, eating breakfast, getting dressed, taking a shower, walking to the car, driving, walking into work, sitting at my computer, etc.
* Next to each activity, put an “N” for nourishing or a “P” for depleting next to it.
Now, look at these lists and see if there are any ways to spend more of your attention on the “N’s” than the “P’s.” If your mind pops up and says, “Nope, this is just the way my life is,” allow that thought to come and go and really look at this again.
Sometimes, we have no choice but to engage with people or activities that are depleting. The question then becomes, what are ways we might relate to these people or activities differently to make them less depleting?
For example, when dealing with a difficult person, rather than spending your mental energy hating this person, could it be possible to engage in a lovingkindness practice? In other words, wishing them well. Why would you ever do that? Good question. This practice is not only for them, but also for you, to see how it transforms the difficulty you are experiencing. Plus, if they were feeling well or at ease, odds are they would not be so difficult.
With a difficult activity, is there a way to turn it into a mindfulness practice? For example, when waiting on the phone, which might normally be a source of frustration, can you use it as an opportunity to practice STOP or perhaps just mindfully check-in with how you’re doing? Can red lights be a reminder to breathe, rather than a source of irritation?
These are all ideas that have helped many people. If any judgments arise such as, “I’ve tried everything, this will never work for me,” recognize the judgment as just another thought, a mental event asserting itself in the moment that will eventually pass. That was then. Try this with fresh eyes, a beginner’s mind, as if this was the first time engaging in this practice before.
As always, please share your experiences and questions below, your interaction provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.
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This article is written by Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. and was found @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elisha-goldstein-phd/personal-development-2-st_b_575104.html.
Originally published on Mindfulness and Psychotherapy at Psychcentral.com. To read more of Elisha, visit his blog, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy at Psychcentral.com, or subscribe here. You may also find him at www.drsgoldstein.com.
– Renee
